Losing control . . .

I'm losing control of my eating.  There, I said it.  It's like I'm either *really* good or I'm not.  I can't find a happy medium.  I know some of it is stress.  But some of it is that I just don't care.  I'm back up to 190 and that's stressing me out, but I don't know if I care "enough".  Does that make sense?   The stress in my life is just . . . a lot. . . 

My husband apparently has a larger issue with alcohol than I knew. . . after he totaled his truck a month ago (at 3PM on a Monday afternoon!!!!!!), he's been in "rehab".   What does that entail?  Group therapy 3 times a week. . . which he pretty much thinks is a waste of his time.  He's in a group with people with alcohol and drug issues. . . more drug than alcohol from what he tells me.   And those drug people are your "classic" stereotypical drug users. . some with ankle bracelets on. . . most there cause it's court ordered. . . playing on their phones or even half asleep.  My husband ain't got the patience for that crap and I know he feels like he doesn't fit in and it's a waste of his time.   It's embarrassing to me to even write this blog. . . I'm so ashamed of where my life is right now.  Living with this has been rough but to even realize that this issue is larger than I expected. . .   has been . . . depressing to say the least. I'm pissed off.  I'm hurt.  I'm angry.  I'm sad.  I'm embarrassed.  I'm in disbelief that this is my life and a large part of me wants out.   I feel like this is more than I should say, but I also needed to get some of it out. 

Over Labor Day weekend we went to Cincinnati.  The trip almost got canceled because I came home to find my husband drinking a beer the night before we were suppose to leave. . . did I mention that I can't stand this is my life right now?   This is going to sound crazy, but one of the reasons I wanted to go to Cincy was to go to Taste of Belgium. . . . I saw it on Diner's, Drive-In's and Dives. . .  and since I "lived" in Belgium and I love their waffles. . .  I wanted a "real" Belgium waffle.  I got one. . . more than one. . . 

They were oh so yummy!  We brought 2 packs of 4 (yes that's *eight*) waffles home and topped them with ice cream.  They were amazing and very authentic. 

I discovered there was a Dover Saddlery just outside Cincinnati.  So of course I got something for myself and my main boy. . . 

And in other random news. . . just last night I jumped on the Lularoe bandwagon and I ordered my first pair of leggings.   I hope they live up to all the hype. 

So it's been a month since my last post and I'll probably see you again in another month because quite frankly my life is too depressing to write about. . . 

Time flies. . .

Time flies even when you're not having fun.  To say that life has been stressful lately would be an understatement.  I haven't written anything since May.  I suppose because I'm not sure what to say.  I'm not happy with where life is at the moment.  If I break life down into segments: work, horse, marriage, etc. . . there isn't one part of it that makes me happy.  When you want to go to work to not be home I think that's a bad sign.

Let's start with the horse. . . Eli showed up lame in April.  I don't even know if I wrote about it and I'm too lazy to go back to see.   I left for Rolex (I do know I posted those pics!) and left him on stall rest.  I had my regular vet out a few times to see Eli.  But let's be real here.  My regular vet is in his 70's (just a guess) and he's fantastic and amazing.  He's smart, he's been there seen that.  But at this point I think he should be used for routine medicine as he simply doesn't have the equipment needed to diagnose major issues.  So in June we took Eli to the University of Missouri in Columbia MO (Mizzou for short).

After an evaluation, we decide to ultrasound Eli's left front leg.  In this photo, they are prepping for the ultrasound.  It shows up on the TV on the wall!  What did we find?  A tear of the superficial digital flexor tendon.  I won't go into details but we tried a treatment of injecting the tendon with his own plasma.  We then started "rehab".  We went back early July and had some improvement but not enough to make the vet happy.  We did another injection and I've increased the rehab workload after getting a hand smack by the vet.  We return on Aug 22nd.  I'm not optimistic and the vet will likely recommend surgery.  I'm not sure I'll go that route.   In the meantime I'm riding Eli (sort of - we are limited to walk both way and trotting only one direction) and I'm confused about riding a horse with a torn tendon.  But I'm doing what I'm told.  I was really stressing over this, but I've decided to just roll with it and whatever happens is fine.  If I have to retire Eli, then it's just time. I'm ok with that.

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I suppose it's not appropriate to go into my work issues online, but the culture in my office is changing.  People are a bit nervous about the future and I am too.  In April I will have been here 10 years and I guess I'm a bit uncomfortable about what might be happening.

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Then there's my home life.  Marriage is very very hard.  People say it's hard, but that doesn't relaly prepare you for just how hard.  I don't know what to do or where to turn.  My husband has "threatened" to kill himself the whole time I've known him.  I finally asked his mom and sister to intervene but it seems they don't take me seriously.  He also seems to be a chronic liar.  His go-to when talking to me is to lie.  And I guess he's an alcoholic.  Why do I say "guess"?   Well he doesn't drink every day.  Sometimes not even every week.  But when he does drink it affects our relationship.  He's an asshole.  He looks at me with hatred.  He yells at me.  He brings up all kinds of issues that he won't talk about when he's not drinking.  The bottom line is that the alcohol affects our marriage so I assume that qualifies as a drinking problem.  He is struggling with grief. . . his father died 2 weeks before we got married.  It was March 2011 (we were married 4/2/11).  His brother passed away suddenly in Jan 2013.  I'm not clear where the grief is really stemming from.  I'd say the two combined.  My husband farms.  And he's home all day by himself.  His mother no longer lives on the farm (his parents did when his dad was alive).  So he's alone all day with the voices in his head.  He's depressed.  He's on medication. He finally (*FINALLY*) started therapy yesterday.  But it just might be too late for us.  I haven't trusted him for the majority of our relationship.  We met 10 years ago this weekend (at the local homecoming).  I trust that he's not cheating on me.  But I don't trust him with the small things cause he tells little white lies all the time.  And he hides the beer and lies about it.  We had this big blow up fight July 14th.  He said he'd stop drinking. . . last night I went to the park where he was setting up for homecoming and he was standing there drinking.  "It's just one damn beer" he says.  I don't even know what to say.  He doesn't communicate with me.  We can sit and eat dinner without really talking.  We can be in the car together. .  . say driving to somewhere an hour away and literally not even speak.  We've talked about divorce.  I often think we make better friends than an actual couple.  But he's 44 years old. . . he makes really *bad* decisions about beer. . . he lies. . . it's like he wants to live the single life but be married.  He was married once before and I know that he doesn't want to get divorced again and that's basically the only reason he fights divorce.  It's not because he loves me so damn much.  In fact I think he hates me.  When he yells at me the hatred is palatable.  I have some tough decisions in my future, but I really think I'm delaying the inevitable.  He's a good guy deep down, but his issues run really deep (including childhood issues) and I just don't know that I can wait around for them to be fixed.  After 10 years of the same record playing over and over, I'm tired of waiting for the change.  I'm not perfect, even though he accuses me of that.  But there are so many issues that I cannot fix.  I can't do it for him.  I can't make him grow up.  I can't make him tell me the truth.  I could go on and on, but that's where I'm at in a nutshell that probably doesn't represent the whole issue.   Life is tough. Marriage is tough.  Being an in-law flat out sucks.  And I'm just so damn tired of it all.

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I'll leave you with one more photo. . . . on Amazon Prime Day I caved and finally bought the pressure cooker that I wanted.  I got an Instant Pot.  Along with many many many other people that day.  I am still learning the thing, but so far it's love. . .   last weekend I made a cheesecake. . . in a pressure cooker. . . and it was YUMMY!

10 day cleanse results!

I haven't been posting because I've been waiting for my cleanse to be over.

On Sat April 9th, the hubs and I started the Advocare 10 Day Cleanse.  You can do this as part of the 24 Day Challenge or you can do it solo.  As you know in Jan we did do the full challenge.  The recommendation is to cleanse every 90 days.  Some people do the challenge every 90 days.  We have been eating pretty much like you do on the 24 day challenge 90% of the time, so we just did the cleanse.    I'm going out of town next week and we found 10 days where we didn't have any events.

The consists of 10 days of clean eating.  You *eat*.  You don't starve yourself.  You eat three meals a day and 2-3 snacks.  It's all clean, avoiding things like dairy, sugar, alcohol, condiments, bad carbs. . . we eat very little carbs.  You can have whole grain breads, but we don't. I know for myself that I will have better success if I don't.  But I do eat grain like quinoa every day.  Since I run, I really need the carbs to keep that energy level up.  I eat three snacks as I have that extra/optional one after dinner, before bed.  That's my snacky time and I just can't give that one up.  But snacks are clean: fruits and nuts.  That kind of thing.

My start weight was 188.2.
My hubs start weight was 207.8

My final weight this morning was 182.6.  That's a loss of 5.6 lbs.  I'm happy with that.  I wanted more, but I did the best I could and this is what my body gave me.  I lost half inch off of: hips, waist and both thighs, for a total of 2 inches lost.  I really want to see the 170's soon so I'm going to keep up with the clean eating and see if I can get there before I go to KY next week. 

My hubs however ended up in ONDERLAND!!  His final was 199.8.  I don't think he's been in the 100's in his adult life.  He was much larger before I met him and lost weight prior to meeting me in 2006.  But I know that he has always been in the 200's the whole time we've been together.  He's pretty excited!  He also lost a total of 2 inches: 1 from both the chest and hips.  He's kind of shrinking before my eyes.  I think he's loving it.  He was resistant to any kind of "cleanse" or limiting food groups/eating before.  But he's loving the reaction he's getting from people and I know he feels better.

The thing I love the most about the cleanse and clean eating in general is that my weight is more stable.  I don't have wild fluctuations of going up a few pounds in *one* day.  Here's my daily weight since the start of the cleanse (from the bottom up!)

You will notice that my fat % went up.   But gosh darn, those monitors are something else.  Any change in hydration can affect it.  It seems to take much more than 10 days to see results.  So I'm not too worried about that.   I've been stuck since Saturday morning at the exact *same* weight.  That's becoming a bummer.  And even more of a bummer is that it's my TOM starting today.  So I suspect I will fly up 3 lbs in a day or two from that bloat.  That's one thing clean eating can't control.  The bloat from Aunt Flo!  Ha!  

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I thought since I haven't posted in a while, that I'd share some images from this weekend.

First - my horse, Eli is lame.  I don't know what he did and I don't know if it's related to his neck arthritis.  But there's no riding right now and I don't know when I'll call the vet yet.  I leave town next Wed so I may address it when I get back, unless it gets worse.  This is a sad face selfie.  I was excited to try a horse selfie with my new phone because the front camera is wide angle.  It's much easier to fit a horse head in the photo!

On Saturday I took my nephew to his baseball practice.  His Dad was working and his sister was sick, so his Mom couldn't take him.  I love that boy! He's so funny and so well behaved. 

He's a true farm boy and he loves working with his dad in the field (his dad does field work for someone when not working his *real* job @ John Deere).  So on the way home from baseball practice we stopped to check on my husband in the field.  Have I mentioned on here that my husband farms?  Probably not, cause in reality farming sucks and it sucks all your money down the drain. 

Sunday morning, before my husband went to the field, we went for a run. Whew - he's just too fast for me.  I really have to up my speed to run with him.  I know it's good for me, but as summer comes and the temperatures go up, it's getting harder.  I hate hot weather running.  But I sure am proud of myself when I'm done and see that speedy pace! :)

On Sunday, my nephew was at my Mom's house and she sent me this photo.  She said he noticed the tractor a mile away and starting getting excited that it was my hubby.  I thought this photo was about the sweetest thing I've seen in a while. 

Hope all is well with everyone that reads this!  Post a comment once and while and say hi! :)

Some random tidbits. . .

The winter weather, or lack of, has been a bummer this season.  I love snow.  I love it with a passion.  Yesterday we got snow.  Big huge wet flakes of snow.  The forecast was anywhere from rain, freezing rain, sleet, snow (1-6 inches depending on where you lived and what weather person you listened to). . . We also were predicted to get high winds.  Our weather was warm last weekend and early  this week so the actual weather was dependent on what the temperature did and how low it dropped.

Yesterday morning we woke to howling winds. . .  and discovered the electric pole just outside our house was leaning. . . if it fell the wires would fall on our house for sure.  Nice.   It was not snowing at my house but the TV was showing rapid snowfall in the StL area.  I made a quick decision that I'd take the leap and drive to work and I needed to leave sooner than later.   I drove right into the slushy snow.  Turns out we got nothing more than a dusting at home.  But at work I got to enjoy great big flakes of snow.  I sit in a basement and I can't see outside from my desk, but I got up often to go check out the snow.  Unfortunately by the time I left work it was basically gone.  And when I got home later in the evening there was no evidence at home that we had a single flake.

This photos shows the view from my office at 7 am and 3 pm.

I was really disappointed when I left work.  We will be up around 70 degrees again this weekend.  I know spring is coming, but we haven't had much of a winter.  Last weekend I was getting bit my mosquitoes.  The bugs needs to DIE.  We need freezing temps and below for quite some time for that to happen.  There's a reason for the seasons and things are off balance when we don't have the correct weather.  This winter has been all wrong and such a disappointment.

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I realized I never shared this photo of Eli modeling his new cooler.  I have a green cooler for him that I love.  It's from Schneider's and is fantastic.  Their fleece is such great quality.  But I was bored.  I wanted something fun.  Weatherbeeta has a line of coolers that are kind of fun and they are lighter weight.  Going into spring that will be beneficial.  I find sometimes I wasn't using my cooler cause I felt it was too heavy.  I didn't think about having varying weights of coolers.  Anyways, it took me a while to pick one out and I went back and forth on this one cause I usually don't put anything red on Eli.  But since a cooler isn't on for days on end like a blanket I made the leap and I bought this one. 

I haven't really got a chance to use it because when he's gotten sweaty enough, it's been really warm.  Like this past weekend when it was 70 and I hosed his sweaty self off after our ride. I've been practicing my horse selfie skills. . . . I can't wait to get a new phone with a wide angle front camera.  That will make this much easier!

The last photo I leave with you is a collage of Doughnut.  The barn kitty that was found at Krispy Kreme. I think I shared her photo before.  She's freaking gorgeous but a total female. . . she doesn't really like you.  She wants to be around people.  Her purr motor is crazy loud but her bite is very quick.  You think she wants you to pet her but 5 seconds later you get bit.  It's a bummer cause I find her totally beautiful and I want to love on her and snuggle with her. 

TGIF - 3 day weekend ahead. . .

It's Friday!  It's a 3 day weekend.  It doesn't get much better than this :)  

It's been a long week.  Days have moved slowly.  Stress has been involved.  I wrote a blog and took it down cause I felt it was too personal.  So that brings me today and I'm feeling the urge to write. 

Last weekend was drop dead gorgeous.  Especially Saturday.  When you see this you know it's a wonderfully nice day.  (none of those are Eli)

I had a good ride on Saturday and took Eli for a walk in a grassy lot afterwards.  It was just too beautiful - we had to go out and soak up the sunshine. 

I went for a run Saturday morning and finally had a pretty good pace.  The kitty selfie is Mr Puddin'.  We call him Puddin' Pops, Pudding McPoppers, Puddy.  .  . he's an amazing kitty.  He lives outside in the shop with his brother. 

My pace was purposefully fast because I want to keep up with my husband during the 5K we are running tomorrow.    The thing about tomorrow is. .  

It's going to be REALLY cold!  Look at the "feel like" temp.  I'm not sure we should actually run this race, but I'm sure we will.  It's paid for.  My husband is going to pick up the packets today. 

So while last weekend was gorgeous, come Monday the temps were 30 degrees lower and we had a couple days of light snow this week. 

I love snow!!!!  I want more than we ever get unfortunately. 

Today is February 12 and it's the release date of Vince Gill's new CD. 

I was really excited about this, but I'm kind of pissed right now.  I pre-ordered this CD.   The website said it would ship a few days ahead of the release date.  The tracking appeared in my USPS dashboard this morning.  There is a tracking number but it doesn't appear that the package has actually been accepted by the post office.  I assumed I would receive this *on* release day.  I could have pre-ordered from Amazon and I know I would have received it.  I could go to the store and buy it.  Yes my pre-order included a t-shirt, but I don't need that shirt.  I just ordered it in advance so that it would show up in my mailbox on release day.  When will it arrive now? Monday is a holiday and so I'm guessing I don't see it till Tues or Wed.  I'm really bummed about this. 

This morning was rather interesting.  We got light snow overnight. .  . *maybe* a 1/2 inch.  As I was driving out of my drive and onto my road I saw tire tracks with some snow over them. . . and some foot prints with some snow over them.  I thought to myself "who was walking on the road".  My road is a dead end.  You are either coming to my house or my neighbors house.  Once I got to the end (which is a very short drive) I see this. 

Oops!  Someone had some problems.  I called my husband.  He walked down from the house (again this is really not far) and looked at the truck and the plates.  I headed to work.  My husband called me. . .the foot prints didn't go anywhere.  They never came onto our property.  They walked past our drive and then walked in a circle.  We assume the person was calling for help.  My neighbor said no one knocked on his door.  My husband called this into the police.  They took 1 hour to arrive.  They talked to my husband, called a wrecker and another truck showed up (presumably the owner or someone connected to the owner) and that's about the last I heard.  The roads weren't slick.  Based on the snow in the tracks/prints this had to happen sometime after midnight but likely before 4 am.  There was a small window of snow last night.  Maybe the drive slid.  Maybe he was drinking.  Maybe he fell asleep.  My husband did say it appeared the driver broke the window of the passenger side with a hammer to get out.  The driver's side of the truck is facing the photo and that's pretty flat as you can see.   What an interesting morning!

So three day weekend coming up!  Valentine's day (I'm having cake!) and a 5K.  Hopefully some sleeping in will be included during the weekend.   Have a great one!

66 Bananas

On Saturday we made the trek to Trader Joe's.  It's about 45-60 mins depending on traffic.  We hit the store often enough but this weekend I wanted to go for one reason.

I wanted that frozen riced cauliflower.  Yes I'm lazy.  Yes I've made cauliflower rice before but I imagined how much easier this would be.  And how often I'd use it since it was it was less work.  BUST!  My TJ's didn't have it.  I learned a few things though: 

                     1.  It comes from Italy.  Why can't we source this from the US?

                     2.  They were expecting some any day but they only get 2 cases at a time. 

                     3.  They put the shipment out at 8am and it's sold out by noon. 

                     4.  The guy said "you'd think this stuff was gold". 

Nice huh?  I live too far away to ever get some of it given the above information.  Unless it loses it's popularity and people no longer think it's gold. 

What I did discover is that I must be living under a rock because I thought carrots were only orange. 

I had no clue they came in different colors.  I just had to get a bag for Eli!  I'm hearing that the white ones are sweet.  Maybe I should try them.  

Eli approved of all three flavors. Ha!

I noticed the inside of the purple one was white once he bit into it. 

One other thing I bought at TJ's was some bananas.  I know bananas or often priced by the pound, but TJ's (and Target that I know of ) charge per banana.  I bought 6 bananas.  I got home and was uploading my receipts into Receipt Hog (a new app I'm trying out to get money back for submitting receipts)  and I suddenly noticed that I bought 80 items at TJ's.  Huh?  What?  No way. . . 

Yes. . . I did. . . because apparently I bought 66 bananas. . .  

Isn't that fabulous?!  I called the store.  I gave them info from the receipt.  They are suppose to send me a gift card, but I thought that the guy was also going to call me back once he confirmed that I wasn't lying.  He didn't call back.  So now I'm not sure what to do.  Obviously driving an hour to get my money back isn't going to happen any time soon.  Thankfully I find this amusing and I am not going to go broke without the $11.40 (+ tax) that they owe me.  But I would like that gift card. .  

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Saturday evening the barn where I board Eli hosted a customer appreciation party. It was at the Elk's lodge and was catered like a wedding: fried chicken, pasta, green beans, corn,  mashed potatoes, salad, rolls. . . and cake. 

And yes we ate it.  First time I've ever cheated while doing the Advocare 24 day challenge or the 10 Day Cleanse.  I feel guilty big time.  Thankfully the pieces of cake were small because they almost didn't have enough cake!   My hubby put on 2 lbs the next morning but it was off this morning.  I didn't gain Sunday morning, but I did today. My body always does the delayed reaction gain, especially when the food is consumed later in the evening.  I expected the gain. I'm moving on.  I was back on track on Sunday.  However, the last day of the challenge is Wednesday and I am a bit bummed that my results won't be where I want them. And the weight loss might be skewed thanks to this cheat meal and the fact that it'll be that time of the month tomorrow.  Hello bloat.  But I'm planning on chugging the water and hoping to overcome all of that. 

We played horse trivia at the party.  My table had 5 people.  The three you see above, my husband and one other husband.  The husbands didn't really help in the trivia - they aren't horse people.   We had to name our team.  Our name was "Chestnut Trio".  All three of us have chestnut horses (that's the color for you non-horse people.  Our horses are red heads!).  There were about 5 rounds of trivia and at the end we won with a score of 49 out of 54.  One round was fact about the barn including the barn owner's middle name.  I got it right but one of the other ladies talked me out of it and changed it.  Thankfully we didn't lose by 1 point!   :)   We also got a chocolate candy bar for winning. I was hoping for a month of free board.  A girl can dream right? 

I had my barn owner take a photo of us, cause I was pretty confident in how I looked.  Unfortunately I hate the photo and I think I look like I've gained weight. 

Maybe it's how we are standing. . . I can never figure out how to take a pic with hubby so we look as good together as we do apart.  I think our very similar heights don't help.  Hubby looks skinnier in real life too,but the lighting doesn't define him well here, so maybe that's why. *shrug*  Just give me motivation to keep on going.  Reach for my goals!

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I was in 2 more fitbit challenges this past week.  The same ones as before: The Workweek Hustle and The Weekend Warrior.  I almost declined them.  These things are wearing me out! I actually didn't even "try" to win the workweek hustle like I did the previous week.  But there were a few different people in this and guess what? 

Somehow I won!  And I even beat my step count from the previous challenge (59,204).  I have no idea how I managed that!  As for the Weekend Warrior. . . I think I won that too.  I'm waiting for everyone to sync this Monday morning.  The funny thing is my cousin was in the Weekend Warrior. She *runs*.  Like at any given time she can run a half marathon.  In the friends leader board on fitbit she is always *always* at the top of my list.  When I saw she was in it I told my husband I didn't stand a chance.  But . . . I ran 5 miles on Sunday morning and was busy the rest of the day. . . it looks like I might win it!  Whoop!

Merry Christmas Eve!

It's Chrismas Eve and I feel like I'm about to lose my mind! I over committed to too many things.  I'm tired. Legit tired.  I wake in the AM and I feel like I'm melted into my bed and I can't move.  I think it's just stress and too many commitments.  

Our PTO cut off was the 18th.  So I was off last week, but I'm working this week.  The PTO policy at my work is such a pain in that way.  And I don't want to use 2016 PTO while it's still 2015! So here I am at work this morning - for 4 hours. We have an amazing owner that often gives us "early shoves" when there are holidays.  Today we get 4 hours off.  So I came in at 6 Am so I can leave at 10 AM.  Why?  Because we have to drive to Columbia MO to get Eli from the Mizzou vet clinic.  Last week Tuesday (when I was off) we took him to the vet for further evaluation and we couldn't find anything.  So the next step was a bone scan.  But they didn't have any appointments till Monday.  So we brought him home and took him back on Sunday.  Ugh - just what I wanted to do my last day off work and just what I wanted to do today on Christmas Eve.  But the bottom line is that I will do anything for my pets.  I just didn't "plan" this and so I have to fit it in.  What it really means for me is no relaxation.  I have every minute planned from now till 11 AM tomorrow when we have to be at my mother in law's house for Christmas.   That being said - the bone scan for Eli revealed neck and back arthritis and he got both injected.  That's all we can do.  If that doesn't help him he will be on a daily anti inflammatory to keep him comfortable. 

In the meantime I've been trying to finish Christmas shopping and wrapping and baking.  I *love* wrapping gifts.  I have most of them wrapped.  I also love baking and I hate that Christmas is a Friday this year.  With working all week I've been baking at night.  I felt like last weekend was just too early to bake it all and keep it fresh. 


Last week Friday I made this cake for the barn where I board Eli.  It's a Tie Dye Christmas Wreath Cake that I make every year for the barn.  I love it!  It's fun to make and I add some almond extract.  It was yummy this year and it's gone in the blink of an eye. 

I made these cookies.  They are called Almond Balls, but I need a new name.  They are like a sugar cookie with almond extract.  I got the recipe from a previous coworker.  I hate calling them almond balls because people seem to think they are full of nuts and they aren't.   Have I mentioned I love almond extract. I could drink the whole bottle!  As it is I double (at least) the amount in every recipe.  I count like this: 1 tsp . . . 2 tsp . . . whole bottle.  Ha ha! :)  That stuff is the bomb!

Then I made my Grandma's thumbprint cookies.  She made these every single Christmas when I was a kid.  They bring back such memories and now I will carry on the tradition.  

And last night I made these cream cheese rollups.  They are made with white bread if you can believe that.  I don't have a nice fancy photo of them cause I was cranky as heck last night and snapped a pic when they came out of the oven. I could have used some help from my husband last night make these, but he sat in the recliner surfing facebook on the iPad.   I got this recipe a *long* time ago from my Aunt. She passed away 12 years ago when she was 36.  So this recipe has been around a long time. They remind me of her and while they aren't hard to make and take very little ingredients,  making them alone sucks. 

So the clock is ticking and I have 3 hours till I can leave work and go pick up my baby!  I promised him he'd be home for Christmas.   

Merry Christmas everyone!  Hope it's an enjoyable time with the ones you love. 

Finally some progress!

So I buckled down as best as I could last week and told myself that I would not mess up this weekend.  And finally there's progress on the scale!  That being said I should say that I got a 24 hour stomach bug on Saturday night and threw up once.  That definitely helped the scale.  The next morning I was down 2 lbs.  Then yesterday (Sunday) I ate a lot of crap.  All I wanted for lunch was waffle fries from Arby's.  Don't ask me why, but I got them and a Jr roast beef sandwich.  Yum!   I had ice cream for dinner.  The scale went up but not too much.

That's a loss of 4.6 lbs.  I would bet a bit is artificial.  We'll see what happens this week.  I'll take it for now and hope to carry it forward.  My fat % went up which I thought was interesting.  So many things affect that fat monitor though including dehydration and I suspect I am a bit dehydrated.

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I got to ride Eli on Saturday before I got sick.  I put his Back On Track blanket on for 30+ mins before riding.  I've never been able to implement this well enough to know if it's helpful.  He's not making much improvement and I'm tired of sending the vet more videos.  He just requested more last night.  I'd rather just take him back for the bone scan.  That would be the next step.  It's hard to keep making videos of me riding.  I need another person.  And it's been a month since we had the neck injections and there isn't really any progress to be had.  So I'm ready for the next step.

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I won these mums from a local orchard on FB last week.  Who knew someone actually won those things? :)  I haven't bought any mums so this was great!

Vet trip to Mizzou

Last week Wednesday, we loaded up Eli and headed to University of Missouri in Columbia MO.

Now for all you non-horse peeps (cause I was asked), that is not a blindfold.  It's a fly mask.  Eli can see through it.  It's to protect his eyes from debris, like the hay that's right there in his face, from flying in his eye.  Eye injuries in horses suck.  So better safe than sorry. 

We had a 10 am appointment so we left my barn at 7 am.  This was an early start.  We stopped about halfway at a rest area.  All was good.  We hit the road and not too long after that we hear "bang! bang! bang!" about 5-7 times.  Eli never moves much as we are traveling.  When we stop he might move around and adjust himself.  But on the interstate?  Nope.  My hubby was driving and could see his nose poking out the window so we knew he was still standing (my fear is a horse going down in the trailer).  We keep driving and we hear more . . . not as much but it sounds like a stomp or kick here and there.  We stop at the next exit.  Eli seems fine.  I get in the trailer and look to see if there's something in there bugging him (a horse fly or wasp, etc)  I see nothing.  So we continue.  He keeps randomly making the noise but we have no choice but to continue. We arrive and he's fine.  But I'm shaken up by that. 

Our appointment is with Dr Keegan.  He invented the lameness locator.  This is a computer system with three sensors that are hooked to the horse (top of head, top of pelvis and right front foot).  you trot the horse down a concrete hallway and the computer determines where the horse is lame.  It was really interesting and since I do software development I was intrigued by the math and algorithms that are going on in the program.   To make a long story short the locator indicated a right front lameness.  The vet thought he saw a left front.  We blocked the left front and tested again.  No change.  We blocked the right front and tested again.  No change.  Then we proceeded with neck xrays as I was originally thought this was a neck issue.  The problem is that neck issues are rare in horses and don't respond well to treatment.  The xrays showed some arthritis and we did a block/steroid combo on 2 joints and did them on both sides of the neck.  We inject C6/C7 first.   This was done guided by ultrasound.  We tested with the lameness locator again - no change.  We then injected C5/C6 and tested with the lameness locator.  We got a change on the straight line.  The locator indicated that Eli was no longer lame!  However, we had also been testing on the lunge.  That was showing left front lameness going left and right front lameness going right.  We did decide though that maybe this was Eli's way of going or a different lameness and we were going to stop at this point and see how the neck responds. 

I just want to say that Eli allowed the vet to inject four joints without any sedation.  My boy stood like a rock.  He didn't move a muscle.  It was amazing.  Everyone said (many times) how good he was. They said they wish they had patients like him every day.  The vet didn't want to have to sedate him cause sedative can mask lameness.  But I think everyone though he'd need some sedative.  The intern vet said she had seen neck injections only once before and that horse had to have the "shit sedated out him".  Eli is amazing.  I got all teary eyed watching him be so good.  I get teary eyed every time I think about this.  I love him so much and he's just so amazing - the best horse a girl could ever ask for. 

These pics were taken the next day at home.  Eli had to be shaved and cleaned (really *really* well) in order to have the ultrasound guided injections.  I joked that I'd kind of like to take my clippers and turn those into hashtags!  Ha ha.  #horse

It was 7:30 at night.  I was exhausted from standing most of the day, waiting and having a small level of stress all day.  Neither my husband nor I really wanted to drive home.  It's dark at this time and thinking about how Eli got restless on the drive there, I didn't want to risk having a problem in the dark.  So we opted to stay.  I helped get Eli settled in his stall and we left at 8 pm to find a hotel. 

We got to the clinic at 7am the next morning to hit the road.  I really wanted to get to work as I didn't plan on taking 2 days off for this.  Plus I knew we might have to go back.  So I wanted to save that PTO.  The ride home was normal and Eli didn't doing any banging around. :) 

I was allowed to ride Eli after 48 hours.  I rode him Saturday morning and again Sunday morning.  I'm so sad to say that there is no change in his head movement that he does under saddle at a walk. So now we can to the bute protocol: 2 grams twice a day for 2 days, followed by 1 gram twice a day for so many days. . . tapering to 1 gram once a day.  I will try this to see if it helps.  The next veterinary step would be a bone scan.  At this point I feel like if that's the last step then I might as well go for it.  Why go this far only to turn around at the last step?