I find myself struggling with life right now. As a results of the stress and emotions I am struggling with my food choices. Friday was out of control stupid. I just ate everything I saw. I felt horrible and sluggish. It's really eye opening when you realize how your food choices make you feel. But ultimately that didn't stop me from shoving crap in my face.
My sweet tooth is crazy strong. My Dad loves sweets too. I blame him as I clearly inherited his sweet tooth. My boss and coworker were in Switzerland last week and brought me back some chocolate. I really wanted a hollow bunny, but it died on the way home. :( (tastes the same though I suppose!)
It's also Easter time. . . the time Baby Binks come out to play. These are usually sold for $1 and they are my weakness. I adore hollow chocolate. I love the candy bunny eyes. These are a smaller size (till too much, but smaller) and I am addicted. Did I tell you I was struggling?
I was working on a fitbit streak. How many days in a row could I reach my 10K step goal. I answered that yesterday. 33 days.
You can see I did not reach goal yesterday (Monday). That was day 34. Bummer :( I had a Dr appt after work. It my yearly woman Dr appt and quite frankly I just drove home after that and I didn't work out. Streak over.
So I try hard not to talk about my relationship issues. I can't decide what I should or should not share. But I guess the thing is, FB is a highlight reel of life. Everything has to be happy and positive. I don't necessarily want my blog to be that way. But how much is too much? I haven't figured that out. I blog not necessarily because I think my life is interesting and everyone wants to know about it. But more because it's almost therapy, like a journal. I put it "out there" and get it off my chest. Who reads it? I don't know. And that's the magic I think.
Anyways, before I met my husband he was married for 4 (?) years. He was a lot larger (I believe almost 300 lbs). He lost weight (65 lbs I think) before I met him. So I've only seen pics of him at his largest. He's joined me on my healthy journey and is currently checking in around 205-208 he tells me. He's the smallest I've ever seen him. But before I met him, he chewed tobacco. He quit before he met me. I think during the time he lost weight. But I've busted him for chewing. I can't remember the first time. I feel like it was in the fall and so potentially fall of 2014. . . maybe fall of 2013. I don't know. But I found a can of chew in our kitchen cabinet (hidden) last fall. I called him on it. I was *not* happy. I don't like chewing. I want nothing to do with it and I don't want him to do it. That it was just another one his lies really threw me over the edge. It's a whole other story but I really think he's a compulsive liar. So . . . last night as I was coming home I stopped at the mail box (remember I live in the country and our box is at the end of our driveway). I opened - no mail. But what was in the back of the box? A can of chew. His brand. His flavor. He says it's not his. I have no logical explanation for why it's not his. But I have no explanation for why someone else would put it in our box. It's not a logical hiding place for him. But . . . people do weird things to mailboxes in the country. I mean other than smashing them. My crazy neighbor (yes he's bat shit crazy) had his box stuffed with shitty diapers. But you know. . . I get it . . it's cause he's nuts and someone hates him! A can of chew? That stuff isn't cheap. Who would just throw it in our box? That would be a waste of money. But why would my husband hide it in the box? I went for a drive after asking him about this. I needed space. I believe it's his no matter what he says. My mom doesn't know - she also doesn't get why it would be in the mail box. But I will tell you this. . . I wanted a soda!!!! I wanted it bad. A fountain soda. My drug of choice. This kind of stress isn't helping me. I didn't get the soda. But maybe I should have. I just came home and ate chocolate. But I've already fallen into the slippery slope of sweets. I don't need to fall of the "no soda" bandwagon too. I've got to get myself together. Any tips and advice for finding my willpower again is greatly appreciated.
Yup. You read that right. I LOVE soda. I *really* love McDonald's coke. I often wonder if it's drugged. It taste different, and better, than any other fountain coke. I'm a big fountain soda fan. I will drink Mountain Dew in a bottle, can or fountain. But Coke is one I prefer only from the fountain. If I'm at a gas station and I get a fountain soda it will be Mountain Dew because well. . . . coke is better from McD's!
I've given up soda for significant amounts of time before. I always hope that when I have one after a long long time without that it will be too sweet and I won't like it. I remember when I was younger and my parents switched to diet soda. To this day my dad will only drink diet. He says regular tastes too sweet. I'm not lucky enough for that to happen to me. One sip of a soda and I slide right off the wagon. That happened about a week ago. I'm back on soda and I can't seem to stop. I know this is affecting my weight. I was sticking under 200 really well and today I was 201.4. Great. It's the soda and my sudden addiction to Twix Easter Eggs. I need you all to slap me and help me get back on the wagon. I don't care if I eat some chocolate, but I have to keep it under control. And I really do better in life if I don't drink soda at all. I tend to associate soda to all things - good and bad. The past 2 days have been *super* (too much so) warm. I'm driving home in my hot car with the AC going and I think what a day - I'm going to get a soda! It's a great day for one. Or I can get bad news and I wanna drown my sorrows in a soda. I guess there are worse vices to have. I also feel like I will snack less in the evenings if I have a soda to drink while watching tv or reading my kindle. It doesn't balance out though I guess, or the scale wouldn't be up. Ultimately though I need to jump back on the wagon. Just looking at that photo makes my mouth water for a coke! lol
The running schedule I have this week is two 4.5 miles runs (M&W is my plan) and one 7 mile run this weekend. Monday (and yesterday) we reached the upper 70's in temperature. I'm probably the only one in the local area that hated it. I think that was too hot too soon. It's March people! Eli still has a winter coat. He just really started shedding. So Monday, since Eli had been turned out for the first time in forever (too wet) I decided he didn't need any work and I would just run. I decided to go to a different town. I live on a farm smack between two towns. I always run in the larger town cause it's easier to do a loop and get my full run in. But I saw a new paved path in the park at the other town and I wanted to try it. I drove to the park and I assumed I would use the bathroom there (like I do in the other town). Bad assumption. That dang park has 4 bathrooms and every dang one of them was closed. I was stunned. The park was crowded and where do people go to the bathroom? Lame! So I decided to suck it up and run. I'd see how far I got. The path is only 3/4 of a mile. So I ran around that just over a lap and headed off through the town. This town is really short so I was back at the park in no time and had to run around the path 2 more times. Ultimately when I hit 4 miles I bailed. I have never not done a full run when I'm following a schedule. It was hot. My car said 79 degrees when I got to the park. Each leg felt like it weighed 100 lbs. I was running through molasses. I was breathing harder. It was hot! Too hot too fast! I hadn't acclimated to that. And I had to pee!!!!! So I stopped at 4 miles, got in the car and went home. I ran slow. . . here are the splits:
I'm a much happier cold weather runner. I can generate my own heat. I've never ever been too cold during a run. NEVER! Today the high is 40, but we are having 30 mph winds and rain. So I will probably be on the treadmill, which I'm dreading. The temps are perfect for running, but there is no way I'm fighting those kinds of winds. :(
