Losing control . . .

I'm losing control of my eating.  There, I said it.  It's like I'm either *really* good or I'm not.  I can't find a happy medium.  I know some of it is stress.  But some of it is that I just don't care.  I'm back up to 190 and that's stressing me out, but I don't know if I care "enough".  Does that make sense?   The stress in my life is just . . . a lot. . . 

My husband apparently has a larger issue with alcohol than I knew. . . after he totaled his truck a month ago (at 3PM on a Monday afternoon!!!!!!), he's been in "rehab".   What does that entail?  Group therapy 3 times a week. . . which he pretty much thinks is a waste of his time.  He's in a group with people with alcohol and drug issues. . . more drug than alcohol from what he tells me.   And those drug people are your "classic" stereotypical drug users. . some with ankle bracelets on. . . most there cause it's court ordered. . . playing on their phones or even half asleep.  My husband ain't got the patience for that crap and I know he feels like he doesn't fit in and it's a waste of his time.   It's embarrassing to me to even write this blog. . . I'm so ashamed of where my life is right now.  Living with this has been rough but to even realize that this issue is larger than I expected. . .   has been . . . depressing to say the least. I'm pissed off.  I'm hurt.  I'm angry.  I'm sad.  I'm embarrassed.  I'm in disbelief that this is my life and a large part of me wants out.   I feel like this is more than I should say, but I also needed to get some of it out. 

Over Labor Day weekend we went to Cincinnati.  The trip almost got canceled because I came home to find my husband drinking a beer the night before we were suppose to leave. . . did I mention that I can't stand this is my life right now?   This is going to sound crazy, but one of the reasons I wanted to go to Cincy was to go to Taste of Belgium. . . . I saw it on Diner's, Drive-In's and Dives. . .  and since I "lived" in Belgium and I love their waffles. . .  I wanted a "real" Belgium waffle.  I got one. . . more than one. . . 

They were oh so yummy!  We brought 2 packs of 4 (yes that's *eight*) waffles home and topped them with ice cream.  They were amazing and very authentic. 

I discovered there was a Dover Saddlery just outside Cincinnati.  So of course I got something for myself and my main boy. . . 

And in other random news. . . just last night I jumped on the Lularoe bandwagon and I ordered my first pair of leggings.   I hope they live up to all the hype. 

So it's been a month since my last post and I'll probably see you again in another month because quite frankly my life is too depressing to write about. . .