I had a goal. . .

I'm so freaking excited today!!!   When I started the Advocare Herbal Cleanse on April 9th, I set a goal. . . that goal was to see the 170's on the scale before I leave for KY on April 27th (this coming Wednesday).  

179.8 (my scale only does even numbers behind the decimal) would be fine.  I didn't care.  I just wanted to see 170's.  My long term goal was to see 176 as that would be 35 lbs lost since I started Advocare.  I would have reached that in August if I hadn't got sick.  Life since then has been rough and the weight crept on.  I wanted to hit 176 and reassess where I wanted to go and how I wanted to get there. 

So I started the cleanse at 188.2.  Yesterday was tough day and I didn't eat dinner. I wasn't even all that hungry so I guess it didn't matter.  I never skip meals, but it happened.  I didn't get home till close to 9pm and I wasn't feeling up to making something.  

This morning I got on the scale not knowing that to expect.  I could have easily gained.  The body is funny like that.  Not eating isn't necessarily a "good" thing where the body is concerned. 

But I saw this on the scale. . . 

GOAL!!!!!    I'm stunned.  I'm shocked.  I got on that dang scale probably 4 times.  It said the *exact* same thing each time.  (Maybe one day I'll set the date on that thing huh?).   That's a loss of 2.6 lbs from yesterday.  So I'm not sure that this will remain and I could blow up tomorrow.  But I saw it.  I saw the 170's!!!!   Whoop whoop!!!!   It feels good.  Now I'd like to hold that and actually be in the 170's on Wednesday morning when I leave.  I hope I can, but I also know that I have a few things coming up that might make it challenging.  If in fact this is a bit of a fluke then it will certainly be a challenge.  If it's not, then there might be hope.  It's funny how I can gain 2-3 lbs overnight and it can take days to get it off.  It's very very rare that I drop more than 1 lb in one day.  But boy does it feel good!!!   

Happy weeekend everyone!

2016 resolutions

I hate New Year's.  Why?  Because it marks the passing of another year.  Because it shows me 365 days have gone by and what have I accomplished?  In 2015 I did work on my health/weight quite a bit and that was good. But really not much else.  I have time anxiety.  I stress every day over how much time I have left in the day.  How much I have to do in that amount of time.  And I stress about the overall passing of time and getting older.  I'm 37.  I'm not where I expected to be in life at this age. 

I shared these goals on FB and I'll share them here.  My "official" 2016 New Year's resolutions.

1. Continue on the healthy journey I started in 2015.

2. Be thankful for my health each day. 

3. Run a 10K race. I’ve ran the distance, but not an official run.

4. Try not to fit so much into each day. 

5. Relax about “time”. 

6. Think before I speak.

7. Be less impromptu about spending money. 

8. Stress less about decisions.

9. Be more organized and reduce clutter in my living spaces.

10. Spend Christmas 2016 in a house.  Yes a new house, but an actual house. 


Some of these will be much harder than others.  And number 10 is going to be the deal breaker on my marriage.  If that doesn't happen I don't think I'll be married by the end of this year.  So I expect a tough year ahead. I am not looking forward to it.

I'm starting the year sick.  I got sick yesterday and it got worse as the day went on.  I probably should have stayed home just to rest today but I feel like my husband doesn't support me staying home from work.  I have no idea why but I guess I feel like he thinks I should "suck it up" and go to work.  After all, back in August when I was *sick*  (I wish I had a name for what was wrong with me) he told me to take a shot of whiskey and deal with the pain.  So that's the kind of attitude he has.  So I came to work.  Yay me.  Happy New Year's to those of you that are excited about it. I just realized it's a 366 day year.  Oh yay.  One more day to accomplish my list above.  

The battle is real. . .

I have an inner fatty.  I think if you've been a fat girl (I still consider myself a fat girl), then you have an inner fatty.   I didn't get fat cause I loved healthy food.  I got fat cause I loved unhealthy food.  I still love unhealthy food. 

In Dec 2013 a friend that I met via FB was chatting with me and she said "I saw that you said you did a long run so you can have a cupcake.  It doesn't work that way".   I think I was in denial.  My reply is that I know.  That I know people over estimate calories burned and then eat too much.  I wasn't eating a cupcake after every long run. . . .was I?  I don't know.  What I do know was I eating too much crap.  I know that all through 2014 I pretty much did a good job of maintaining weight. . . creeping up slowly, but not a ton.  Running and then eating a cupcake is probably a fine (but unhealthy) way to maintain weight. 

I want to lose weight.  I want to be healthy.  Will I eat a cupcake?  Yes.  I'm sorry but I don't have superhero willpower.   But I will not eat them as often.  Every weekend is not a special occasion.  Special occasions are birthday parties, holidays, maybe a date night.  They are not Saturday and Sunday.  They are not long run days.  

But the battle is real.  I fight a mental battle with myself almost every day.  Sometimes hourly.  Right now it's 11:20 AM.  I want this Advocare DB9 bar that I have at my desk.  There's nothing wrong with eating it.  The various advocare bars are part of my lifestyle now.  But I don't *need* it.  Lunch is soon.  Soon enough.  I don't need this snack.  I had a peach and cashews as my morning snack.  But I like snacks.  Bad or otherwise.  If there was chocolate in my desk I'd want that.  Heck it's that time of the month - I want chocolate.  I want cupcakes.  The DB9 bar is what I have access to, so I want it.  

The struggle is constant.  I can't imagine that it won't be.  I have a sweet tooth.  I have an inner fatty.  I'm trying to shut her up.  I'm making progress.  I'm learning a lot this year.  I see what impact one bad choice has.  I see how much I've improved and how much room there is for improvement.  I don't pretend that I'm perfect.  Perfection is not my goal.  Healthier choices 99% of the time is my goal.  Choices that get me to my weight/size/fat%/etc goals is what I am doing, what I need to do, what I need to keep doing. 

I hope that I'm motivating others on the way.  I'm a true believer that if I can do it, anyone can do it.  I do not have some crazy strong willpower.  I fight my sweet tooth every day.  I fight the inner fatty that says "just one cupcake".    Progress is happening. 

End of 2011

So this was suppose to be a riding blog I suppose. I never really stuck to that. I'm sick of my riding. Last night was horrible. The stress at my barn is just too high. I just don't want to be around some people and I can't let go of the tension when I ride. I can't even connect my horse. I mean there would be no chance at a decent intro level ride. How pathetic is that?

So as we move into 2012 I think I may turn this into a weight loss or weight maintenance blog. Or maybe just a catch all blog. Does a blog really need to have a theme? I guess not.

This past year I lost quite a bit of weight. Most people don't know how I did it. And I'm not 100% sure I'm ready to share that. I am maintaining relatively well. Till the holidays hit. Ouch. I'm 3-4 lbs above where I like to be. My fat % monitor is holding steady. And I've increased the workouts (I'm SORE). So maybe it's not that bad, but I'm stressed about it. Today is a yogurt day to try and correct this. I have another holiday celebration on Sunday. And in just over 2 weeks we leave for Cancun. I'd like to be below my happy weight when we leave. So I can enjoy the food and drinks!

As we move into 2012 I have a lot of goals in mind. More than I've ever had before. Weight loss is at the top. Or at least loss of inches. I'm at the point where I could gain weight due to muscle and toning. Also at the top of the list is being more frugal. That might be really hard for me. I need to save more money. I want a house damn it! So I need to stop spending money so easily. Also I want to make a decision about what to do with my riding. I'm not happy with the status quo. (Why is chrome telling me that is spelled wrong? Google says that is correct.) *shrug* Anyways, one more thing on the immediate to do list is to make an appointment with an orthopedist about my hip. It's been hurting me a lot lately. Let's see if I can at least get that done in January.

I hope everyone has a great New Year's. I don't really celebrate this holiday. It annoys me. And I think I'm more depressed about all these challenging goals I have this year to even think about partying. So I'll probably bring in the New Year in my favorite way - sleeping. Might as well start the New Year out doing what I love. :)