It's vet week and some random updates. . .

It's a week of veterinary madness!  Tuesday my hubby took our three little outside kitty babies to the vet.  Wednesday they got fixed.  Yesterday morning he picked them up.  We are so glad to have them home.  Wednesday and Thursday mornings were so quiet.  Usually when I leave I look for three crazy kitties running around in the cool morning playing with leaves and various other things that kitties think are toys.  Even though they are outside kitties, their absence was felt and we were so glad to have them home.

This is Puddin'.   Or sometimes it's Puddin' Pop or just Pudds (however you spell that!).

He looks so big in that photo without a frame of reference.  But they are about 5 months old.

Yesterday I took my Sophie girl to the cardiologist for her checkup.

Sophie has been in heart failure for three years.  Her prognosis was 6 months - 2 years.  The vet called her a miracle kitty last night.  It's been just over 9 months since her last visit.  That was not necessarily good and was totally my fault.  But she is remaining steady and only needed an increase in her potassium supplement.   She gets a *lot* of pills every day to keep her alive.  It makes traveling very very difficult.  It's hard to find someone to pill your cat, much less to do it 3 times a day.

The week continues through this coming Wednesday when I take Eli to the University of Missouri in Columbia MO.   He's been off in his neck since I returned from Canada.  I had started to address it then I got sick. Since he's completely happy when not being ridden I let him chill while I focused on myself.  But come Wednesday morning we will be loading up bright and early to start the trek to Columbia.  Our appt is at 10 am and we are told it can take all day or longer.  I'm already making a packing list - overnight bag just in case, food, drinks, snacks, phone chargers!

I figure by the end of the day Wednesday I'll be broke.  It truly is a crazy vet week.  Mr Blue is the only animal I own that isn't seeing the Dr. . . yet. . . .I better not jinx it. 

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So it's been 7 week since I got sick. . . I saw my doc this week.  She said it's infectious and not autoimmune.  She is still leaning toward Lyme.  I replied that I didn't respond to antibiotics as quickly (if at all) as I should have.  She said that was a good point.  But then said what else would it be?  I replied a virus. She said it lasted long and what virus?  Well mono can last months. . .  so that was my only response.  

My pain level in my joints is almost none.  The last two mornings I got up out of bed and stood on my BARE feet.  No crocs.  I've been wearing crocs in the house at all times, except the shower.  It was so nice to be barefoot.  Today and yesterday I wore normal shoes (not crocs!) to work.  It was kind of weird . . . Wednesday evening I noticed my feet felt a LOT better and it was kind of a night and day difference.  Like a switch was flipped.  

However I still have vision issues.  And now I have some dizzy type issues.  I will feel like I'm on a boat.  The world kind of tilts back and forth.  So I'm not cured for sure.  I just hope that these last two things go away.  The vision shooters happen more than the dizzy and they are annoying.  And of course both issues are worrisome :(

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I'm fat. Yes you read that right.  I'm gaining weight.  Since I got sick and specifically since I was in the ER, I've been eating like crap.  I knew it would catch up to me.  But it took a while.  When I gained 3 lbs I didn't panic. I  was unable to exercise.  I knew I'd gain some. No big deal. Just get well enough to run.  But really I'm just being *bad*.  I eat ice cream almost every day.  Tuesday was National Ice Cream Cone Day.  I got a cone from Sonic.  I learned that Sonic was confused about what day to celebrate and they were having half price cones on Wednesday.  I went back and got another on Wednesday. 

I find some way to eat ice cream almost every day.  Yesterday I got one of those M&M cookie sandwiches at the gas station.  I have got to buckle down and get this under control.  My weight this AM?  185.2  I was around 179 when I went to the ER.  I know I was in the 170's when I saw my doc 2 days later.  It's time to suck up and get back on the clean eating band wagon. 

It's been 6 weeks. . .

and one day since I first got "sick".  I'm tired of it.  No joke.  The good news, I suppose, is that I'm getting better very slowly.  The bad news is that I have a few new symptoms.  My head feels very weird at times. . . almost dizzy.  Nothing spins, but maybe it feels like the ground is tilting?  I haven't figured out how to explain it well.  I had one bad moment with that where I was standing next to my husband, grabbed him till it seemed to leave and then I sat down.  I also had 2 fingers randomly start tingling for just a couple mins at lunch on Saturday.  That was freaky and scary.   Not going to lie.  I thought "oh shit, ER here I come."  Thankfully it went away fast and hasn't been back.  I still have the vision shooter things though. 

My 40 day treatment of antibiotics ends today.  I have one more dose left.  I'm nervous.  I'm still not sure this isn't Lyme disease.  If it is, I've read that those little jerk off bacteria are hard to kill.  That people go off antibiotics and the symptoms return.  I see my doc again Tues, so that'll be day 4 of no medicine.  Hopefully I will know by then.   I'm also no longer on any OTC medication (Advil and Aleve).   So I'm hopeful that I really am getting better.  I'm on a homeopathic remedy called Rhus Tox and I'm wondering if that's messing with my head?  I don't know!

I went to the gym last night!  3 miles on the treadmill.  I ran 1/4 mile 4 times for a total of a mile running.  I *had* to see how it felt.  I'm sick and tired of being a lazy sack of potatoes.  I'm going to do the same thing this weekend. Today I have my first full body massage since I got sick.  I *cannot* wait. Not only have I not been active, but my eating is horrible.  Horrendous.  I'm embarrassed.    I need to get my act together. 

I've been trying to do things to relax.  I know I'm a stressed person.  I let everything stress me.  So I've been taking epsom salt baths.  I figure it can't hurt, it might help and it gives me some forced time to sit and do nothing!

I've also been hitting up the Oriental Energy massage parlor on the mall and having the little Asian dudes give me foot massages.  They can be intense and sometimes hurt, but I enjoy them.  I've been there three times.  The last time the guy said "Why you always come in for just your feet so much?"  Ha! :)  

I've also been coloring.  My aunt used to color.  I distinctly remember her coloring mandalas and other geometric designs.   I've had a couple books for a long time and never really did much.  So I broke them out, bought a few more and started coloring.  It's relaxing.  You can't rush coloring. 

This one I found in my book already finished:

And since I started this again I've colored three more. 

I'm really trying to reduce the stress in my life.  Unfortunately I'm not very good at that.  I just worry.  I just stress when goals aren't being reached.  Since I got back from Canada, Eli has also had an issue going on that means I can't ride him.  So we will probably be going to the University of Missouri in a couple weeks.  It's always something. . . . 

5 week update

It was 5 weeks ago when I was just walking during recess and got slammed with this "sickness".  It feels like 5 months.   

Currently my biggest complaint is my feet.

Generally they don't hurt when I'm not on them.  But it's the initial standing/walking that hurts.  And sometimes it hurts bad.  This morning I got up and they were the best they've been in a long time!  I was pretty happy with that.  But they seem to hurt more later in the day.  When I first got sick, mornings were worse. 

This past weekend I got the guts to try the Oriental Energy massage place in my local mall.  I got a 30 min foot massage from a middle aged Asian guy that smelled like stale smoke.  We didn't communicate well but the massage was good, if not a bit too strong in some areas for my poor sore little feet.  

My hands are almost normal when I wake up, but my wrists are still tender and don't like certain movements.  For example, I grab my purse in my right hand and try to put it on my right shoulder with the same hand.  The wrist has to bend and support the purse quite a bit for that movement.  No one thinks twice about doing this, I never did.   Now I have to use my opposite hand.  

My knees suck. Standing and sitting, going up and down stairs. . . .all tender.  But what's worse is that yesterday I was at Michael's and I squatted down to look at something on a shelf without thinking about it.  Holy shit!  I don't think I've squatted since I got sick.  Wowza.  Holy effing pain!  I shot up like a bullet and almost cried.   So I will continued to squat once or twice a day to monitor this.  I can only imagine that it got better since all this started, because everything has.  Which makes me think a few weeks ago I might have fell over and landed on my ass in the store.  Who knows! 

Today I'm going to get xrays of my feet.  If I have RA, a rhuematologist would monitor joint damage.  I don't think I have any at this point, but this could be a baseline xray.  And I got to pick which joint to xray.  My right foot hasn't been the same since I rolled it over a stair step.  So why not just see if anything is going on there. 

I was given permission to walk and I hated it.  I want to run.  I have only walked once.  And if I'm worse the next day I have to stop.  I was in severe foot pain the same night.  So I haven't done it since.  But I really overdid it that day.  So since the weekend was so hot and humid I decided to wait for better weather and try again.  This weekend looks like it will be nice and chilly in the AM.  I have a *secret* goal.  I want to be running by: 

I am signed up for the Hot Chocolate 15K in Dec.  This will be my third year in a row.  So I have high hopes I can start running my Oct 1.  Keep your fingers crossed for me!  I don't know if this is a far-fetched goal or not honestly, but it's my secret hope.  I need to run again!  

Invisible Illness

I am still undiagnosed.  I see my Dr tomorrow and I know she's going to give me an autoimmune diagnosis.  It'll probably be rheumatoid arthritis or lupus.  Things I don't want to have for the rest of my life :(  

I've alternated between being pissed off and angry, believing that they are wrong and this will go away and believing everything will be fine cause I'll put it in remission.   I don't know what will actually happen.  I'm very very sloooowly feeling better and as a result my personality is better and I feel like the "old" me.  Cause quite frankly for a couple weeks I felt like the old me died and I had to figure out who this knew person was.  I expect I'll feel like that again. 

I need to find a therapist.  I have the issue of insurance changing in Nov and that makes finding new providers a risk.   I need therapy for stress management, dealing with whatever is wrong with me, working on myself and how I communicate with my husband.  We really need marriage therapy, but I don't see that happening.  My marriage is my biggest source of stress.  And that makes me . . . stressed.  

The problem with this is that I "look" fine.   Usually.  There are times that people tell me that I don't look good.  But in general I look normal.  Except for the crocs on my feet.  Ha!  They are the most comfortable things for my achy painful little feet.  Ouch!  I move the best when I'm wearing crocs.  I don't care if I look a fool. :)   My husband informed me I haven't been happy for five weeks last night.  Well tomorrow is 4 weeks of this illness. He's off by one. . . but he clearly doesn't understand what it's like to constantly think about this, to constantly have aches and pains, to not be able to do the small things that you use to do, or some of the large things, to ponder that you have something wrong with you for the rest of your life. . . .  I could use some support instead of being reprimanded for not being happy.  This is tough.  This sucks.  I read and read and make myself sick with stress.   I need to not stress or be stressed and maybe that will help.  I've been researching natural cures. . . plant based diet (I don't know if I can do that), cherry juice, red wine and the ingredient from the grapes that's in the wine. . . anything and everything I can find to naturally go into remission should I really have something autoimmune.  Oh by the way, the negative tests for all this don't mean jack apparently.  But the drugs for these illnesses. . . many have horrible side effects like Lymphoma . . . ummm no.  That drug is not going in my body if I can help it!  

So that's where I'm at right now.  Very dismal isn't it.  I hope to post something happy again eventually.  When I actually feel happy. :(

I'm "sick"

3 weeks ago today I was walking at recess and I felt sickness overcome me.  I felt achy (like a fever) and I got a bit sweaty and nauseous.  The last 2 went away quickly.  I think it was a reaction to how fast it came on.  Joint aches continued and by Saturday I was unable to walk in the middle of the night cause my feet hurt so badly. Do you know how many joints are in your feet!  OMG.  They hurt.  I ended up in the ER Sunday evening - Aug 9th.  Since then my life has been a mess. I'm undiagnosed.   I've been tested for Lyme twice, Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, Mono, autoimmune markers and now we are waiting for parvovirus test results.  Yes you read that right.  It's not just for dogs.  It's fifth's disease in kids and generally referred to as parvovirus B19 in adults.  If that's negative then they are going to treat me for autoimmune or send me to a rheumatologist.  I'm not going to lie.   I'm flat out depressed.  I cry every single day. I want my life back.  I can't run.  I can barely walk at times.  I have joint aches.  My hand and wrists hurt at times and I have to adjust how I do things because I can't lift or grip things.  I honestly keep hoping I will wake up from this nightmare, but I don't.  Every morning I'm afraid to put my feet on the ground.  Will I be able to stand?  Can I take a step?  It's rare that I'm ever pain free.  If I am it's the middle of the day when I've moved just enough (but not too much) and I have enough pain meds in me to alleviate this.  I hate this.  HATE it.  I don't quite understand how this happened.  Or why this happened.  Or how I should live with this going forward.   For reasons I'm not ready to share, I've always felt like something bad would happen to me when I was 36 years old.  I'm 36.  I started to relax about that because I turn 37 in November.  But here we are.  My life has suddenly and completely changed.   This is where I am right now.  This is why I haven't posted any updates.  And I have more that I can say, but I'm really just too upset to share much more.  I appreciate any good thoughts and well wishes or prayers that you want to send my way.  Thanks!

Canada Trip

It's been a while eh?! :) 

My trip to Canada was amazing, long, stressful, fun, exciting . . . and I came home sick.  Which is probably why I haven't written anything yet. I'm not even sure what to post or how to divide it all up.  There was just SO much. 

Canadians are super friendly and I had no idea that was a stereotype that they lived up to. 

The PanAm Games were crazy!  I'm really not sure if I'd do another honestly.  The equestrian stuff was an hour outside of Toronto where the main Games were held.  However, I heard there was venue 5 hours away, so we weren't the furthest removed.  We stayed in the basement of someone's house and that was very convenient as it was close to the main equestrian venue.  But what I didn't expect was the lackadaisical, nonchalant feeling at the venue.  First of all equestrian events were SOLD OUT.  Yet the stands were rarely over half full for the dressage competition.  For cross country. . . they sold out as well . . . all whopping 5,000 tickets!  Cross country day at Rolex KY boasts a whopping 30K++++   So this felt super duper tiny.  It was also a 2* (though they say a "hard" 2*) as opposed to the 4* of Rolex.  I'm so "used" to the environment at Rolex where the press people recognize each other that I wasn't prepared for the notification of camera equipment getting stolen at various press venues (not the equestrian venue that I know of).  So while the competition felt much more relaxed and not as important as it should have (due to lack of spectators) the media area felt more tense.  Taking your heavy camera equipment to the porta-potty with you because there isn't anyone in the media center you know to watch it is not fun. 

Traveling with many people can get. . . complicated.  On the first day off from equestrian competition, we all ended up in downtown Toronto at the main media area for the WHOLE day which was not planned.  I was not happy about it and all in all it's a day I'd like to forget.  I had no way to leave so I  made the best of it. 

In the "Panamania" area downtown there was an open courtyard area of food, a stage, some sponsors. . . it wasn't nearly as exciting as I expected and there wasn't much to do.  But here I am with Pachi - the mascot of the Games.  The number of quills (41) represent the # of countries competing at the Games. 

It was in this Panamania area that I had my first Canadian beer. 

I photographed gymnastics that day and will likely share some photos in another post.  It was super fun and challenging.  But again the whole day was way longer than I expected and I was unprepared for that. I'd have packed for the day differently.  Ending the day eating dinner @ McDonald's at 10 pm is not exactly the "Canadian" experience I wanted to have.  But moving on! 

I did get to try Poutine - fries, gravy and cheese curds. 

It's ok.  Not sure I like the flavor of the gravy. 

I did get to try Ketchup chips! :) 

They were shocking at first. I actually said "just drink the ketchup from the bottle".  But they grew on me.  I don't know why they aren't sold here. . . 

I also got a red velvet oreo McFlurry from McD's.  Though it was not during that horrible day mentioned above.  It was yummy!

On cross country day, my husband was with me. . .  our lunch was corn in a cup.  We chose the Canadian flavor option.  It had maple syrup, dijon mustard and maple butter.  I cannot describe it.  It was actually *really* good. 

I'll leave you with that for now.  I will make another post with some competition photos and another regarding our trip to Niagara Falls! :)

New PRs and a holiday weekend

This was such a busy weekend and at the same time I felt like I didn't get anything done!

First I got off work on Thursday at 11:30 AM.  We were given 3 hours off and I didn't take a lunch.  I went to the park in town to do 3 miles before going to ride Eli.  It started off amazing and just stayed that way.  It was cool and overcast.  There was  fine mist at the beginning.  Perfect running weather.  Just over halfway through my Garmin beeped that the battery was low.  OMG.  I knew I was on track for my fastest 5K.  I just hoped the battery would last.  Thankfully it did!  I am so tickled with this pace.  It actually felt easy.  Now the rest of my runs this weekend were not like this.  But I'm hoping that I'm onto something and will need to re-evaluate my goals.

Then I went to the barn and I just had a great ride on Eli.  He's 20 now and things haven't been so good.  But he gave me such a great ride.  Great way to start my weekend!

It was a busy week and my 7 day fitbit step total was the highest I think it's ever been on Friday.

114K!  Usually breaking 100K takes some effort or some long runs.

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On Friday we had tickets to the Cardinals game.  We were going with my parents and it was their first time at this Busch Stadium.  I believe this is the 3rd Busch Stadium, but I'm not sure.  It opened in 2006.

We had fun!  There were fireworks after the game.  They do such a good job of this and everyone has a great seat.  It's fun to just sit there and wait for the lights to go off and the fireworks to start.

My mom took this photo of us.  I don't really love it.  I think it makes both of us look heavier than we really are. She got close (as opposed to zooming in) and I also feel like it's shot upwards a bit.   But there you have it. . .

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We didn't have any plans for the 4th.  A friend from my barn gave me some homegrown blackberries and I attempted to make a pie.   I tried this years ago and it flopped.  It was super runny and disappointing.  This time it turned out much better!

But holy sweetness!  I guess cause I don't eat much sweet stuff anymore, this was a shock.  We got some vanilla ice cream to top it with.  That helped toned down those blackberries, but my teeth were still coated in sugar.  Thanks for Carb-Ease Plus from Advocare.  I popped that before inhaling this hot mess of sugar!  :)

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Yesterday I went to the barn to ride and found this:

Swollen knee from a little cut above the knee.  I opted to ride him lightly for 40 mins to see if the swelling would go down.  It didn't.  It did get warm when it wasn't before.  So maybe riding wasn't the best idea.  But Eli puffs up like a stove pipe from the most superficial cut.  So I knew that's what it was from.  I put ointment on the cut and hopefully this is better today.  He was going to give me a really sweet ride so I was bummed that I had to go easy. :(  

Today is someone's birthday at the barn so I made a patriotic cake. 

Now unfortunately it's Monday.  I didn't gain any weight from this crazy weekend when I got on the scale this morning. :)   WHOOP!   I leave for Canada in 3 days! Well the first stop is Detroit.   The nerves have kicked in.