I'm a runner!

Ok maybe not quite, but I'm getting there. I've always thought runners were an elite group. In some ways I've been jealous of them. I always felt like I couldn't run. Besides that lovely heat rash thing I get, I would get side stitches, I couldn't breathe. . . you get the idea.

Well I've been working on it. And I think I already told you I got to 3 miles on the treadmill. But then I tried to do 1/4 mile outside during lunch at the park a few weeks ago and OMG! You'd have called the ambulance if you heard my breathing. WOW!

So I was discouraged. That didn't prevent me from signing up for the 5K but I figured I'd have to walk most of it. I pushed on and still did my treadmill workout. A trainer at the gym gave me some advice. He said I was probably trying to run too fast outside. That I was likely running slower on the treadmill. . . and I was running on it as we were talking. So I thought about that and I think he was right! I still didn't have the confidence to try running outside. . . . so I was doing the 3 miles on the treadmill and they were hard. . . harder than before I went on vacation. Wow. What was the deal. This Sunday I ran 3 miles and I felt like my body was heavier with each passing mile. I tried to stay at the same pace without pushing myself. But the last 1/2 mile or so I increased the speed and that seemed to have helped. So I think I'm finding my stride. . . I'd like to get to 3 miles in 30 mins or less, but I'm 10 mins from that, so I'm not sure that will happen any time soon.

So on Saturday I decided to run to my parents house. I wasn't exactly sure how far it was but I thought it was 2 miles or less. I started off and I had goals - run to the stop sign. . . . I knew that was about a 1/2 mile. Let's see if I can make it that far. I did! So let's get to the next house. . . I did! How about down the hill? No problem? Now the next house. . . you get the idea. Houses in the country aren't that close together - keep that in mind. LOL. My mom called me as I was running cause I had tried to get a hold of her to see if she was home. I wanted a ride back home. LOL. I answered and in between breaths I told her I was running and I'd be there in a few. The next thing I know her car comes down the road with my 3 year old nephew. . . my mom wanted to take pics of me, but the one she got was terribly blurry. But she was giving me encouragement. And so was my nephew. Poor kid - he was super excited and said "You can do it Aunt Jennie!" but his face looked so confused. Mom turned the car around and drove next to me. And little Hayden was looking out the window saying "Come on Aunt Jennie". But his expression was like "What is this lady doing? Why doesn't she just get in the car?" Ha! It was so cute and funny. On the way back to my house we clocked it and I ran 1.7 miles on THE ROAD without stopping! Woo hoo! Here was my view:

So that brings me to today. I went to the park at lunch time and I ran the 1 mile track! WOO HOO! This is the same place where I could barely do 1/4 mile a couple weeks ago. I'm going to stay at 1 mile on this track for a while for a few reasons. First of all it's my lunch break and I don't have a ton of time. Secondly my knee and back have been bothering me. So I think I'm trying too much too soon. Ya know? I can't believe I'm actually running! I love it. Ok no I don't. I love the "after" but the during sucks big time.

I'm also much more hungry. Which is a challenge. I ate like a pig yesterday and gained .8 lbs. I was at 178.8 this morning. I like to be in the 176's. Today I've been eating even worse. So it's going to be a bad day tomorrow. I do have a training session at the gym tonight so that will help. :)

This is a mixed bag blog. I'm going through a lot of mixed emotions right now.

First let's start with vacation. OMG Cancun was gorgeous. I totally needed it. Here was my view from where I was laying out catching some rays poolside:

So on Sunday 1/15 we went to St Louis to stay at the Drury near the airport. My weight that morning was 178.6. A bit on the high end of my maintenance range. We had dinner at the Drury. They have hot eats every night and you really don't need to go out for dinner. I can't even remember what I had. A salad and chicken tenders I think. I had my first soda that night in a LONG time. Wow. I figured I'm going to be drinking alcohol what's the difference? But soda is a slippery slope for me. It's almost like an alcoholic. I have just one and I'm done for. But I maintained control and upon returning home I'm perfectly fine. :) We left Monday for Cancun to return Friday. I did NOT pack my scale. I ate and drank in Cancun. Way more carbs than I normally have. I was addicted to Dirty Monkey drinks and they have bananas in them. I cringe when I think of how many bananas I consumed. lol. Saturday morning when I woke up at home I got on the scale. I was 181.8. That's not too bad! 3.2 lbs. Considering all that I consumed and the carbs I was happy. I should mention here that I worked out at the gym the three mornings I was there. Tues - Thurs. Friday we had to leave for the airport too early to work out and eat breakfast as both places opened at 7 and our shuttle picked us up at 7:55. I was proud of myself. I only did 2 miles on the treadmill but it was something. And it was HOT HOT HOT in that gym. I hated it. Saturday we had plans to go to my parents for my hubby's bday which was the Sat before. I did 3 miles on the treadmill Sat (5K - more on that in a minute) and ate fairly well. But the next day I was up to 182.0. Shoot. I had my yogurt all ready in the fridge before we left for Cancun prepared to do a yogurt day. So Sunday was the day. Monday morning the scale said 179.2. Whew! Much better. 180 is my panic button. Huge panic. I had a riding lesson that day and I went to the gym and did 2 miles. Next day 179.0. Yay. This is Tuesday now. I had a session with my trainer. First since before my trip. We did 4 exercises for each - leg, back, chest and core. I was super sore that night. I rarely get sore the night of anymore. So I was surprised. Wednesday morning I felt like I was ran over my a big truck. I got on the scale . . . .180.4 AH!! Up 1.4 lbs. Deep breath. It's gotta be water being used by my muscles for repair. Drink lots of water. So I did. I also did 3 miles on the treadmill after riding my horse last night. Today . . . 180.6. I'm still really sore but I have a hard time believing it's the muscles now. I have another session with my trainer tonight. Geesh. I'm trying not to panic.

Here's the thing - I'm having a chocolate/candy problem. I did well till about noon yesterday. So today I'm going to try to do better. But even with that my calories yesterday should have been within range. I'm going to try to start tracking again today. I was doing so well at tracking and now I totally don't have the dedication. I start well with breakfast and then it goes to hell. So I'm going to try harder.

So now the 5K. I think I posted about my new found ability to run 3 miles on the treadmill? It's been hard since I returned from Cancun. I'm not sure why since I did hit the treadmill there. I did it Saturday and not again till yesterday. For some reason I crack at the 2 mile mark. But. . . I signed up for a 5K yesterday!!! Yay! It's in April. I can't wait. I want to run (*jog*) the whole thing. But I need to be at like 5 miles on the treadmill first. Cause running outside. . . well I suck. Big time! But no matter what I will do it even if I walk. There are people that just walk them, so as long as I don't finish last I don't care. I don't even know what to expect. This is the first time I've done anything like this. But let the training begin!!!! And let's hope the freaking scale goes DOWN!!!

3 Miles!!

I think I've mentioned that I want to do a 5K. That's 3.1 miles and I should be able to walk that even if I can't run.

Friday night I pushed myself to do 3 miles on the treadmill. Pushed isn't the right answer, once I get through the first mile, the second seems easy. So I decided to hang on and try a third. I did it! Counting my 1/4 mile warm up walk, I did the 3.25 miles is 41:12. Saturday I decided to do it again. It was harder. I was sore. My legs were hurting. I only had one day off at the gym this week so I wasn't surprised. But I did manage to shave about a minute off my time. I did the 3.25 in 40:03. I said I wasn't going to do 3 miles again today. I was TIRED yesterday after I was done. Completely pooped. lol. However I slept well, I slept in and today my body said it felt great during the first mile. So I did it again! I shaved off even more time and the best thing is that I feel SOOO good!

38:05! that's not bad considering I walk the first .25 in about 4 mins if I remember right. i want to be able to run 5 miles on the treadmill before I do the 5K in April. We will see. :)

I technically leave tonight for our trip even though our flight doesn't leave till tomorrow AM. I will be working out on vacation. :) I can't give myself that much time off. I just hope I can run 3 miles next Sat when I'm back. Have a great week!

So much for that

So I'm up 2 lbs today. The fat % is back in it's normal range for me. BLAH! What happened? Who knows. I go up, I go down. . . always in the same range. I guess I should be happy I'm maintaining, but I'm not. I want to go down and stay down. Darn it. I'm SUPER stressed about our trip to Cancun. I do not want to gain more than 2-3 lbs. But I'm so afraid that I will. I'm actually dreading this vacation. Is that lame or what?

I wish I had more to say, but I don't. It was a rough commute to work this morning with our first real winter "storm". *eye roll* We will get maybe 2-3 inches of snow. We have some now and it's blowing like crazy out there which is the real issue. Well that and the low temp. Happy winter!!!

Fat Percent

One of the things I monitor in my weight loss journey is fat %. It's one the measurements taken at the gym. I decided a few months back that I wanted to own the same monitor so I could use it at the same time of day a few times a week to monitor my loss. Apparently fat % monitors are sensitive little things. You shouldn't take your measurement within so many hours of eating, working out or showering. So I take mine in the morning right after getting off the scale and before I shower. I don't do it every morning. I don't even write it down every time I do use it. It does go up and down just like the lbs on the scale. But usually only within the same % - so up or down a few tenths of a percent. What I do pay attention to is that I'm basically the same. If my scale jumps up several lbs (like over the holidays) I don't want my fat % to increase too much. Or if I my scale goes up and the fat % goes down then I'm gaining muscle.

I don't know where my fat % was when I first started with my trainer in 2010. It was in probably in the mid-30's. But of course that's taken in the afternoon when I meet with her and likely not long after I've eaten a snack. My personal goal is 25% on my monitor at home in the morning. I recently made a good bit of progress on my most recent diet in regards to the fat%. But since I've owned the monitor I've been as high as 29.0% and as a low as 28.3%. I generally stay around 28.5-28.7%.

Today:

So 28.0%. Yay! I decided to start posting a photo like this. Hopefully once a week as my way of recording my progress. Cause I track my weight through my SparkPeople app on my phone. But there's no easy way for me to track this. I have a spreadsheet of my weight with lots of data on it and if I remember I have a column for fat % that I fill in when I remember the number. But this seems a bit more. . . well accountable maybe? :) We'll see. The BMI - you can see it's high. However, everyone tells me that these monitors don't do BMI well and to not go by that. But I hope that if I ever reach that magical 25% that maybe. . . just maybe. . . I'll be in a normal BMI on this monitor. But I don't really pay attention to that number and I never track it. The input to the monitor is normal/athlete, height and weight. . . I can't remember if sex is in there or not. I'll have to look. And yes my scale does calculate fat % as well but it seems way off. It puts me in the mid-30's and even my Dr said no way. So since we use this thing at the gym that's what I decided to use as my reference.

So I think. . . I "think". . . I'm not going to pack my scale when we go to Cancun. It's going to kill me! There is going to be a big old gap in my spreadsheet. Not sure my anal mathematical self can handle that. Yikes! Maybe I should take the fat % monitor? But I'm not sure that will help much on a daily basis anyways. Plus the heat and humidity might skew the results. . . at least the first day. You know what I mean? So I may panic when there is no reason to panic. I don't know. I think since I'm generally more active on vacation than I am sitting at my desk during my 40 hour work week that I should be ok. I have been previously when we've traveled this fall. And yes I packed my scale then. LOL! But . . . those weren't all inclusive vacation with yummy alcoholic drinks! If it was just the food I have total confidence in myself. But it's not. . . it's purple rain, electric lemonade, Caribbean punch. . . maybe a dirty monkey . . . or not since that has coconut. But you get my drift. . . wow.

So I've been having some issues with giving myself a day off from the gym. I can't do it. I feel guilt. Yesterday I know I ate too much. I went to the barn to ride Eli. But I knew I had to stop at the mall after. Why? Because my dumb self mailed my Maurice's payment without the check. And I sent the check a few days later. But it hasn't arrived. So my options are pay by phone and pay a $15 fee, wait it out and hope I don't get the late fee ($20-30) or go to the mall and pay in store. It's due tomorrow. As it is paying last night will post on Friday but they told me on the phone they have a one day grace period. They freaking better! So I went to the barn. I got my horse from the pasture. I was feeling all fat from eating crap during the day. I put him in his stall and changed clothes for the gym. Popped into Maurice's to make the payment and hit the gym. I'm a mess! I needed to ride cause Eli will have a week off while I'm in Cancun! But I couldn't. . . I wanted to run on the treadmill. Like I really really *wanted* to. So I did. And I ran 2 miles without stopping! First time I've ever done that. It felt fantastic. It wasn't fast. My pace is 4.8 or 5.0. Last night I stuck with 4.8 since that is comfortable I knew I could do it. Then I did 30 mins on the treadmill. I'm SUPER sore today. I think my body needs a day off. My hubby said I work out too much. *shrug* Maybe. But I think there are other issues with that comment. So I let it slide. I have a session with my trainer tonight. Then tomorrow I have a massage and I promise that I will NOT work out. I probably can't even walk a mile during my lunch break cause the high will be like 29 and we are expecting a teeny tiny bit of SNOW!!!! YAY!!!!

TOWELS!

I love towels. I can't have too many. I love people that give me towels for my bday or xmas. lol. Now I use two towels when I showed. One for my hair and one for my body. I suppose most women do this right?

This morning I had to grab two fresh towels out of the cabinet. I was very much asleep as I got up early to come into work 30 mins early. My pink towels were easily available so I grabbed them.

I remember having this thought as I stepped in the shower "dang that pink towel is too small. Oh well I'll deal". What did I mean by that? Well I use the striped towel for my hair cause it's thinner and stays on my head easier. Both towels are the same size though. And that's the problem. I normally use a "normal" size bath towel for my head and an oversized towel for my body. Because otherwise there is a big gap in the towel cause I'm too freaking fat. This morning when I finished showering I was happy to realize that the towel fits!!! Yes there are no gaps. I mean I could answer the door in this towel. That wouldn't be the most comfortable thing in the world, but what I'm saying is that you can't see nothing! lol. It's amazing what little things I notice as I get more comfortable in my smaller body.

So this morning I weighed in at 177.0. Up from yesterday but I'm ok with that. Aunt Flo is visiting and yesterday was a rough food day. I ate way too much candy. Probably TMI by my new birth control isn't really working as it should I guess. Aunt Flo wasn't suppose to come till later this week. I think I'll be switching back cause I have trust issues with this pill as a result. And of course it's bad timing to have trust issues when hubby and I are about to fly off to Cancun. *fingers crossed*

Half Their Size

First I wanted to say that I had a yogurt day yesterday. For the diet I was on that is one of the alternate correction days. That means I eat 32 oz of full fat yogurt and 8 oz of berries through the day. I don't like full fat yogurt, so I buy 2% Fage yogurt and add heavy whipping cream to get the fat. You'd think this isn't much to eat during the day (oh I start eating at noon) but it is. I only ate 24 oz. But I had some nuts and one piece of chocolate when I got home. I was NOT hungry when I went to bed. I weighed in this morning and lost FOUR lbs. 176.2! Back in my happy maintenance range. Let's see if I can hold it through tomorrow morning. The hubby and I ate at McAlister's tonight. It's my favorite place! I had half of a chicken salad croissant and a small bowl of chicken tortilla soup. Water to drink. (I only drink water) I did work out at the gym this morning, so that was good and hopefully helpful.

So. . . my favorite issue of People magazine is on the shelves right now!

I LOVE seeing the before and after pics in this magazine. One lady caught my eye. She is 5'9" and I'm 5'10". It seems that it's always short people that show up in weight loss photos. I don't know why. So I was intrigued by her photo. I asked my husband who he thought weighed more, her or I?

For reference here is a pic of me. I wish I had a better one taken since weight loss, but I don't really. . .

Looking at the photos I'm not sure who I would say weighs more. I felt like when I was looking at her photo that I appeared thinner than her. But the photos. . . I don't know. . . I wish I had a dress like that. LOL!

Anyways, the hubby answers and says "She looks to weight about 160". I said "Well I didn't ask you how much she weighed, but how much do you think I weigh?". He then said "about 165". I said "so I weigh more?". He kind of choked around answering that. lol. I didn't ask for numbers! I then told him I weighed in at 180 that morning. (BTW - the lady weights 175 - so as of today we are pretty close!) He seemed shocked. I always wonder how I appear to people. Today we were shopping and I kept looking in the mirrors at myself and in the windows at my reflection. Generally I'm fairly happy with how I look. I'm kind of between sizes though so I need to lose some inches and rectify that!

So I'm going to go look at that magazine again. I really just get so motivated seeing all those success stories!

Measurements

Last night I got measured at the gym. The last set was done sometime in Oct. But I can't remember when exactly. I lost just over 1/2 inch from my waist. I seemed to gain in my hips. Weird. My trainer and I both thought that was weird. My thigh went up as well. But I've been doing some serious leg work with the treadmill, stairs, elliptical and bike. So that doesn't bother me too much. I was up about 2 lbs as well. But that all came recently. Part holiday gain and partly from increasing my workout. I seem to lose better when I eat right and don't work out. LOL.

I have a serious sweet tooth. I need to work on this. I have small sweet binges throughout the day. That has GOT to stop. I'm glad that my measurements are basically the same. But my size 10 jeans (I only have 2 pair as I don't fit into 10's in every brand) are feeling snug today.

The plan today is to ride Eli. He had two days off. Tuesday I didn't feel like doing both the gym and riding. Plus he got shoes that day is generally given the day off. Last night I had a session with my trainer and then I did an hour of cardio after. I'm up today - 180.2!!! AH! It better be water retention. I tend to gain after a workout with my trainer. So tonight I may not hit the gym. I don't know. I have gym clothes packed. I'm starting to get addicted to the gym because I'm worried about being in the 180's. But it might be better to take a break. We'll see how I feel after I ride. If I have a good ride I may skip it. If I have a shitty ride, then going to the gym makes me feel better.

I'm fat!

Yes you read that right. I've lost 70-75 lbs depending on the day and I'm still fat. Why do I say that? Because I think I am. I still have jiggly stupid fat. I still have love handles. And the scary part is that I don't think some of that is going to go away. I think the love handle area is actually lose skin. *gasp* This is horrifying to me. Last night as I got in the shower I stood and looked at my naked self in the mirror. I think in some ways I was happier with my body when I was fatter. (Fatter - cause I'm still fat!) Why? Because it was "firm". Firm in the sense that it wasn't saggy. BLAH! I sag everywhere. My boobs are saggy sacks of nothing. Not that they were much to begin with. I swear I'd totally have a boob job if someone were to pay for it. Not because I want bigger, but because I want prettier. I always have, they've always been fugly.

Now the second reason I'm fat is because mentally I'm fat. I'm still shocked by photos. I still feel like the fat girl in the room. I'm shocked sometimes when I see my reflection. But I'm not at goal. I don't have a goal weight. I have a goal feeling. Or a goal size. In some ways I have a weight. That weight is kind of wherever I feel comfortable and not panicky about gaining.

Let me see if I can give an example. I'm going to lay it all out there for you. Ready for the numbers?

Most people don't ever guess how much I weighed initially. I need to dig up some pics, but since I'm at work, that's not going to happen right now. I gained 50-ish lbs in 2009 because of my thyroid going whacky again. I clocked in at a maximum weight of 250lbs! Most people would never guess that. The people I tell that to are shocked. I'm 5'10" and I manage to carry my weight fairly well. Luck me huh? lol.

I started a diet on my own around Easter 2010. I did a detox that shed some weight. Then I started going to the gym. I think my weight when I started at the gym with my trainer was around 230-something. That was June 2010. My weight at my wedding was about 210 (April 2011). Not quite where I wanted it, but I thought I looked good. (Till I look back now.)

Today I weighed 179.8. I track my weight daily. I've been as low as 175.8 normally. By normally I mean when I wasn't sick. I was sick for several days in November and I got to 172-something. That was awesome! I'm a bit up from where I like to be. I like to hover at 176-177.8. I'm panicking a bit. But I'm working out hard and my clothes still fit. However, that 180 mark scares me.

That's what I mean by comfortable weight. I wanted to be below 200. I stayed at 195-ish for quite some time. I was uncomfortable there. I was SCARED of going above 200 again. I wanted to see what I looked like at 175. That was my "dream" first goal. Well I guess I got there. Close enough. But now I'm scared of going above that 180 mark. So where is my comfortable weight? I think it's in the 160's. Or at least below 175. I'm not sure. Time will tell.

But regardless I'm still fat. I'm still addicted to candy and sweets. I eat WAY too much chocolate! Today my goal is to eat less chocolate. Notice that I didn't say *no* chocolate. LOL. I leave for Cancun in under 2 weeks and I'd like to back in the 176 range so I can feel like it's ok to eat! :)