Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Limbo Land

Either you have one or more of these: 

or. . . .

you don't. 

I don't.  I'm 35.  Not a mom.  That puts me in . . . well I call it Limbo Land.   I don't fit in with people my age with kids.  It was very clear to me as I was sitting at a Christmas gathering with my sister in law and my cousin's wife.  I didn't fit in.  Nope.  Not at all.  Even on topics that I knew about, I was constantly getting talked over top of until I got up and walked away.   

I always say I don't have many friends.   And that's partly true because my friends have kids and they do things with their friends. . . with kids.   So here I am.  My husband's best friend is a confirmed bachelor.  He's older than me but younger than my husband.   If it weren't for him I'm not sure who my husband would do things with.  Although it does cause issues cause the bachelor view on the world is still very different, in my opinion, than a married man.  Though my husband seems to adopt that bachelor viewpoint when hanging with him. 

I often wonder what things would be like if we did have kids.  Would my husband hang out with his friend in the shop drinking beer till well after I've gone to sleep?  Would I suddenly be invited to the new year's eve party at my cousin's house?   (It seemed to be geared towards kids)   Would I  meet other parents at sports events or dance class?    I look into the future and wonder where life might lead should we really not have kids?   Cause we don't quite fit in with many people. Those without kids are generally too young to really connect with.   

However, I seem to have taken permanent residence in Limbo Land.  I wish the population was a bit higher.  


  1. The life you mention -- attending sporting events and dance class and hanging out with other moms and talking about our kids -- yeah, that's my own version of hell. I'd rather be alone than forced into that situation. The majority of people my age with kids/families are ALL about their kids/families. It's all-consuming and they don't have time to do the things they enjoyed before kids. Maybe I'm just too selfish, but that is not the lifestyle I want.

    I know you have never been as anti-kid as me, though, so it stands you reason that you would start to wonder if you're missing out. I forget, have you guys discussed this and made the decision not to have kids? Or what are you waiting for?

    That said, I think it gets easier for childless couples as you get older. Then you run into the situation where your friend's kids are aging and leaving home and they suddenly find themselves with a lot of freedom to do what they've been wanting to do for years. Once their lives are not revolving around their young children they are itching to get out and do adult things again.

    Maybe it's the introvert in me, but I don't mind not having a social life at all. I see people at work, I see people at trials and go out to dinner once in a blue moon. Honestly, that's enough for me. The mom scene would totally overwhelm me....

    1. Good point about getting older. No we never made a hard decision. But I'm 35 and the risk of birth defects now is probably too high for me to take that risk. Initially I said no kids till we have a house. Still no house. Which is a *sore* subject. I don't mind not having a social life sometimes. Most times actually. But then there are times I just feel really really sad and depressed about it. I literally walked away from that table at Christmas almost in tears. Just because I felt like anything I said wasn't valuable.