Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Bad things happen in 3's

Why do bad things happen in 3's?   Why can't really fantastic *good* things happen in 3's?  

This last week has been hell week.  As mentioned in my previous 2 posts. .  it started last Monday with taking Sophie to the vet, Tues with my husband's weird passing out episode and calling 911 . .. Wed with putting Sophie down. . . the weekend was a whirlwind and I was finally starting to relax.  Though still hovering over my husband who was getting more pissed about that by the minute.  "I just blacked out. . . that's all!" he says.  Umm . . . no.  I want an explanation. 

So then Monday rolls around and I'm at work unable to get a hold of my husband.  He had a lot of things to do and was going to go to his once weekly group rehab meeting that morning.  I could tell he was stressed about all he wanted to get done.  Some of which would have been done the previous Wed, but that was tied up with the vet, his Dr appt and his xray.  So I get to work and think. . .why doesn't he just go to group one other day this week?  There is no obligation to Monday.  It just has to be once / week.  So I suggest that to him.  And he thinks it's a good idea. . .  

But then I can't get a hold of him.  I finally get his phone to ring through, or him to answer, not sure which.  He stopped at a friend's house to order seed beans for next year. . . and is helping him fix a bumper on someone's truck. . . and he's been there for hours.  And it's 1:30 and he hasn't eaten lunch (and yes I'm hovering, but he has to eat right now!).  So I'm cranky about this.  We argue a bit.  I said if he was going to hang at a friend's house for hours, he could have went to group. .. he still hasn't gone to the grocery store to get stuff for the soup that was suppose to be in the crock-pot. . . right about now. . . there's no way he can get that soup going in time for dinner considering he's out in the middle of nowhere, 45 mins from home and still hasn't went to the grocery store.  

He eventually leaves his friend's house. . . I tell him I want to know when he's home.  This is me worrying cause he hasn't eaten anything and also worrying that he's in a situation where he might be offered a beer.   Guys. . . in shops. . . working on things.  . . that's all they do. 

Next thing I know I get a message that he wrecked the truck. This is the new-to-us (used) farm truck that replaced the truck he totaled in August . . just over three months ago. 

A deer ran out in front of him and he swerved to miss it . . . it was raining and the truck landed on it's side in the ditch.   Or that's his story and he's sticking to it.  I called his mom when I left work and she went to our house.  I got there as soon as I could and he didn't appear to be drinking. . . his mom agreed.   I guess he didn't have a blacking out episode, because he wasn't banged up and I think he would have been if he had blacked out.    But was it a deer?  I'm not sure. . .  it's easy to say it was.  Maybe he was looking at his phone.  Maybe he was driving too fast cause he was pissed at me.  I doubt I'll ever know.  But I do know this. .. I know how my husband tells a story and this one . . . is lacking detail that he would never leave out.  Specifically a description of the deer.  My husband would never say a "deer ran out" in front of him.  He would say a "small doe", a "big doe", a "___ point buck". . . I asked him how big the deer was and he said about 6 points. . . I was like it was a buck?  He doesn't tell a story without those descriptive details. . . so . . . I just don't know.  He's lied about many many things in the past (small things that don't even matter but do matter cause of the lie) that I don't think I'll ever really know or trust what happened on Monday. 

But what I do know is that I'm done.  Finished.  I can't handle more.  My nerves are frazzled and I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. .. but hasn't it already dropped?  Isn't this enough for now?  

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Goodbye my sweet Sophie. . .

In August of 2012, my sweet kitty girl was diagnosed with hypotrophic cardiomyopathy . . heart failure.  We had returned from the groomer for her regular shave (she had massive hair that matted easily, this was the best upkeep).  That evening she was breathing really hard.  I sent her to work with a friend the next day.  My friend was a vet tech at a vet that I had used on and off for Sophie.  She stayed there overnight. . . I can't remember what they thought the problem was but I do remember they treated her with steroids which ultimately would never have helped the situation.

The next day my friend called me and said they wanted to transfer her to VSS (Veterinary Specialty Services).   This is a great vet clinic in the St Louis area, that is open 24 hours and has amazing doctors on staff.  Interestingly my friend now works there.   I met her at the clinic and she brought in my very sick kitty.  She had a heated water bladder in the carrier with her as she couldn't maintain body temperature.

This photo was taken after her diagnosis and after her last professional shave.
She never looked that well shaved again because I had to do it.
She loved her heated kitty bed!

The cardiologist examined her and said that she thought she could get her through this episode . . . if she did her prognosis was 6 months - 2 years.   I agreed to the estimated cost and my baby girl stayed in the hospital for 3 days if I remember right.  She was so weak when she came home that I carried her to the litter box several times.  It was a long recovery with at least one emergency trip back to VSS.  But then she stabilized. . . we adjusted medication as necessary. . . she was on a *lot* of medication. . .

Over the years her kidneys had been stressed by the medication. This is common with "heart kitties" as the medication is constantly removing fluid.  She stabilized on medication three times a day. . . every 8 hours. . . she was on potassium, vetmedin, spironolactone (a type of diuretic), clopidogrel (aka plavix), furosemide (probably the most common diuretic/lasix) . .  every Sunday we'd put all these together in various gelcaps and I had a box of pill boxes - one pill box for each day of the week.  Each box had 4 compartments and we filled three of those. . .

At an appointment earlier this year the vet walked into the room and asked how her "miracle kitty" was doing.  I think she was really surprised my tough Sophie girl had totally blown past her prognosis.

Last week things took a turn for the worse.  I came home Monday evening and her breathing seemed too fast.  I had to meet someone in town in an hour and Sophie was purring for me, so I decided to see what she looked like when I got back.  (You can't count breathing when the kitty is purring).   When I got back she was still breathing too fast and wasn't laying or sitting comfortably.  At 8 pm I gave her a lasix and waited 45 mins to see if that helped.  My husband wanted to see how she was in the morning, but I had a bad feeling so we left for the hospital at 8:45.  Sophie stayed the night on oxygen and the ER vet tried to tap fluid off her lungs, but I was told he didn't get much.

Tuesday her cardiologist saw her and her kidney levels were elevated and she still had fluid around her lungs.  She was going to try to be more aggressive getting the fluid off and Sophie would stay on oxygen and stay the night.

Wednesday morning (if you read my previous post you know Tuesday night was a nightmare). . . the cardiologist called and said there was nothing left she could do.  The kidneys were more elevated and the fluid wasn't leaving.   She suggested putting her down.  I trust this vet 100% and I knew we'd done everything we could do.

Sophie and her "brother" Mr Blue.  They weren't friends and this was about as close as they got!
Mr Blue has never been the only kitty in the house.
He's a bit out of sorts and I can tell he misses his big sister. 
So for the first time in my life I made the decision to put a pet down. . . and my husband and I went over there and I got to say goodbye to my baby girl.  She gave me massive purry-kitty-love and I thanked her for being the best kitty girl anyone could hope to have.  I held her on my lap while she forever went to sleep.  It sucked.  I cried.  I miss her so much.

My baby girl had the best heart, unfortunately it just wasn't a strong heart.  She got the short end of the stick.  I will forever be grateful for those 4 years I had with her.  There is a hole in my life right now and my house just isn't the same. . .

One thing Sophie just *loved* was laying in Eli's saddle pads.  I'd leave them out on the floor just for her.

This is probably my favorite photo of  Sophie.  

The week prior to last, I was off work.  I basically got to spend her last week at home (or at least more at home than I am normally) and I'm thankful for that.  In hindsight I think there were times she was saying goodbye. . . she was showing a bit more affection than normal and meowing more than usual (she was usually very quiet).  I don't have many regrets other than wondering if I could have caught this sooner.

This was the last photo I took of my sweet sweet Sophie. . . we called her Sophie McSophers . . . and various other nicknames. . . sometimes just baby girl.  

Goodbye my sweet baby girl.  Love forever. . .

Saturday, November 26, 2016

911 . . what's your emergency?

Tuesday night I called 911 for the first time in my life.  I'd like to never do that again.  My husband and I were at my parents' house for my Dad's birthday.  We had eaten dinner, opened gifts, eaten dessert and were getting ready to leave.  Earlier that day my husband said he twisted the knee that he had ACL surgery on before I met him (10+ years ago).  I didn't see him favoring it.  But he stood up to get ready to go home and within about 2 mins mom noticed he looked bad.  He grabbed his leg below the knee and he seemed to almost faint. He said a force was pushing him down (he explained that after).  But during the time he said that his body hurts all over.  We got him a chair.  Mom got him a wet washcloth for his forehead and it went downhill from there.  His head got closer to the table and he seemed to become unresponsive for a few seconds at which time I called 911.  

I can't go through more details here.  I feel it's a bit too invasive of his privacy.   But I will say he had low blood sugar (weird after eating right?) and low blood pressure.  The EMT's had him drink juice and they filled out information.  Then they took blood sugar again.  That went up but blood pressure went down.  They didn't have to take him to the ER as he wasn't classified emergent at this point.  He refused to let any of us take him.  He couldn't walk well but my dad helped me get him home.  He said his knee/ leg hurt  - a 15 on a scale of 1-10.  My mom stayed the night with me and she was with him for a few hours after I went to work on Wednesday.  That day was awful (another post coming).   But I ended up going with him to the Dr that afternoon.  His doc doesn't work Wednesdays so we saw the nurse practitioner.  We didn't get any answer.  But they drew bloodwork.  They have no baseline bloodwork for him.  We got an X-ray of the knee.  Not that it will show anything  as I'm sure it's not bone, but that's the prerequisite for any other test.  Then he went to see his chiro.  She did some acupuncture and electric stem stuff (I'm not sure as she hasn't done that on me yet). . . then she massaged his calf and hit a spot that about sent him out of the chair and made him pee his pants.  Ha! Since then he's had nothing but improvement and he saw her again today.  

I'm not convinced this had to do with the knee/leg.  Maybe it was an extreme pain reaction?  The body sure does different thing in response to pain.  But there have been other things I've noticed that have made me wonder how to connect the dots.  Maybe there is a diabetic/blood sugar issue.   I'm not sure how long it will take us to get answers. 

In the meantime I keep an eye on him, much to his dismay.  I'm making sure he eats right.  I worry if I can't get in touch with him.  I'm really scarred from that experience.  Probably because I don't have answers and I know from experience that I may not get answers.  That's the hard part.  I sure wish that hadn't happened at my parents' house as they've dealt with a lot with him and my mom is traumatized from all of it.  His family never sees any of these issues unfortunately.  ( that whole in-law thing sucks I must say)

This week has been nothing but bad things for me unfortunately.  My stress and exhaustion level are at an all time high.   

More to come. . .