Thursday, August 27, 2015

I'm "sick"

3 weeks ago today I was walking at recess and I felt sickness overcome me.  I felt achy (like a fever) and I got a bit sweaty and nauseous.  The last 2 went away quickly.  I think it was a reaction to how fast it came on.  Joint aches continued and by Saturday I was unable to walk in the middle of the night cause my feet hurt so badly. Do you know how many joints are in your feet!  OMG.  They hurt.  I ended up in the ER Sunday evening - Aug 9th.  Since then my life has been a mess. I'm undiagnosed.   I've been tested for Lyme twice, Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, Mono, autoimmune markers and now we are waiting for parvovirus test results.  Yes you read that right.  It's not just for dogs.  It's fifth's disease in kids and generally referred to as parvovirus B19 in adults.  If that's negative then they are going to treat me for autoimmune or send me to a rheumatologist.  I'm not going to lie.   I'm flat out depressed.  I cry every single day. I want my life back.  I can't run.  I can barely walk at times.  I have joint aches.  My hand and wrists hurt at times and I have to adjust how I do things because I can't lift or grip things.  I honestly keep hoping I will wake up from this nightmare, but I don't.  Every morning I'm afraid to put my feet on the ground.  Will I be able to stand?  Can I take a step?  It's rare that I'm ever pain free.  If I am it's the middle of the day when I've moved just enough (but not too much) and I have enough pain meds in me to alleviate this.  I hate this.  HATE it.  I don't quite understand how this happened.  Or why this happened.  Or how I should live with this going forward.   For reasons I'm not ready to share, I've always felt like something bad would happen to me when I was 36 years old.  I'm 36.  I started to relax about that because I turn 37 in November.  But here we are.  My life has suddenly and completely changed.   This is where I am right now.  This is why I haven't posted any updates.  And I have more that I can say, but I'm really just too upset to share much more.  I appreciate any good thoughts and well wishes or prayers that you want to send my way.  Thanks!