Tuesday, June 2, 2015
The battle is real. . .
I have an inner fatty. I think if you've been a fat girl (I still consider myself a fat girl), then you have an inner fatty. I didn't get fat cause I loved healthy food. I got fat cause I loved unhealthy food. I still love unhealthy food.
In Dec 2013 a friend that I met via FB was chatting with me and she said "I saw that you said you did a long run so you can have a cupcake. It doesn't work that way". I think I was in denial. My reply is that I know. That I know people over estimate calories burned and then eat too much. I wasn't eating a cupcake after every long run. . . .was I? I don't know. What I do know was I eating too much crap. I know that all through 2014 I pretty much did a good job of maintaining weight. . . creeping up slowly, but not a ton. Running and then eating a cupcake is probably a fine (but unhealthy) way to maintain weight.
I want to lose weight. I want to be healthy. Will I eat a cupcake? Yes. I'm sorry but I don't have superhero willpower. But I will not eat them as often. Every weekend is not a special occasion. Special occasions are birthday parties, holidays, maybe a date night. They are not Saturday and Sunday. They are not long run days.
But the battle is real. I fight a mental battle with myself almost every day. Sometimes hourly. Right now it's 11:20 AM. I want this Advocare DB9 bar that I have at my desk. There's nothing wrong with eating it. The various advocare bars are part of my lifestyle now. But I don't *need* it. Lunch is soon. Soon enough. I don't need this snack. I had a peach and cashews as my morning snack. But I like snacks. Bad or otherwise. If there was chocolate in my desk I'd want that. Heck it's that time of the month - I want chocolate. I want cupcakes. The DB9 bar is what I have access to, so I want it.
The struggle is constant. I can't imagine that it won't be. I have a sweet tooth. I have an inner fatty. I'm trying to shut her up. I'm making progress. I'm learning a lot this year. I see what impact one bad choice has. I see how much I've improved and how much room there is for improvement. I don't pretend that I'm perfect. Perfection is not my goal. Healthier choices 99% of the time is my goal. Choices that get me to my weight/size/fat%/etc goals is what I am doing, what I need to do, what I need to keep doing.
I hope that I'm motivating others on the way. I'm a true believer that if I can do it, anyone can do it. I do not have some crazy strong willpower. I fight my sweet tooth every day. I fight the inner fatty that says "just one cupcake". Progress is happening.