Sunday, February 9, 2014

Stopping the "I've been bad"

Have you ever eaten something "bad" and then said "I already ate bad today. . . " implying that it's a wash and you might as well keep eating bad?  I've done it.  Didn't I just mention eating a muffin. . .but I said that if I proceed with healthy eating the rest of the day then "it's a tie".  Meaning I didn't really blow the whole day.  I struggle, as I'm sure many do, with writing off the whole day. My boss can bring donuts for the office, I eat one and then I just keep eating bad.  I'm trying not to do that anymore.  I'm trying not to think of eating in terms of "days".  It's every meal, every snack, every bite. . .  every bite is a choice.  

This weekend was a challenge for me.  My husband and I ate dinner at Cracker Barrel Friday night.  I ate "Eggs in the Basket" with turkey sausage (I wanted lots of protein).  I drank water.  Saturday I did not eat breakfast (we had a 6K run I will post about soon).  We went to McAllister's for lunch.  I won that challenge by not ordering a coke (I always get a coke there.  And I wanted a coke!).  I had a half sandwich and bowl of fire roasted vegetable soup.  But then came dinner. . . .   and here's where I get a bit cranky. 

I don't think that I should feel "bad" for eating healthy.  We had dinner with my husband's family for a birthday.  Last month with did this for his birthday.  Last month we went to a Mexican restaurant. He didn't tell me till we walked out the door.  I thought we were going to his sister's for dinner.  I wasn't too happy with the surprise.   There were 6 people, and 4 ladies at that dinner and every one of the ladies was "on a diet".  I had a chicken soft taco and an order of rice with water to drink.  Every other one of them stuffed their faces with various Mexican dishes and alcoholic drinks.  When I was done eating someone asked me if I was done already.  Their tone of voice made me feel like they were implying I didn't eat very much.  And that's where I take offense.  This society is oversize.  The people are over weight.  The food is super sized.  We are conditioned to eat if you will.  Just because I go out to eat doesn't mean I need to stuff my face or eat anything more (or different) than I'd eat at home.  I'm working on making that my motto. 

So this brings me to Saturday night.  We went to some strange bar/restaurant that neither my husband or I had been to. He and I talked about the menu, the over priced items and the choices.  I didn't know what I was going to get.  Maybe a salad.  However, I'm a firm believer that salads aren't always the best choices at restaurants.  I saw they had a daily soup.  I found out it was stuffed pepper soup.  Not creamy and not cheesy!  SCORE!  I ordered a bowl of soup.  That's it.  Water to drink.  Just before we ordered, one of the ladies (same 4 as the previous month) said she was going to order something. . . that she had already "been bad" that day.  I guess they ate at a fast food restaurant.  Her implications were that the day was already a wash.  I commented that I was trying to stop thinking like that.  Just cause I eat one "bad" thing doesn't mean I need to blow the whole day.  I think that was the wrong thing to say. I felt a bad vibe after I said that. My soup came in a big bowl.  I ate half and the two small slices of bread that came with it.  I can't say no to bread.  I'm not that strong!  Thankfully they were really small pieces.  Most everyone else stuffed their faces with fries. 2 of the 4 ladies had alcohol.  One lady did have a salad and water. The salad was huge! (again they aren't always the best option)  She seemed to force herself to eat every last bite.  I don't think that's necessary. (again why do you have to stuff yourself cause you are out?)  

I didn't all my soup.  It was making me feel bloated.  So something wasn't agreeing with me.  I felt judged though. Both for the choice to "only" have soup and that I didn't eat it all.  I'm sorry but I don't need to eat "bad" food.  And not that it's bad for everyone.  But for me it is.  I can gain 3 lbs over night from the wrong food and it can take me over a week to get that "weight" off.  People will say when you gain a few lbs overnight that it's not "real" weight.  Apparently it's water weight.  Well I can drown myself in water the next day and it doesn't come off the next night.  Nope.  That stuff sticks around for days and days.  Forget that!  That's how I get nowhere on the scale.  I'm done with that.   I vented to my mom prior to dinner and basically told her just what I wrote here.  It made me feel better and feel empowered!  

After dinner we went back to someone's house and had ice cream cake.  It was from Cold Stone.  It had exactly 6 pieces. One for everyone.  It was my favorite flavor, cookie dough.  I took one bite of my husband's piece.  I let the bday boy keep my piece for another day.  Again I felt kind of judged. Especially when my husband said I was sharing with him and I replied no, I'm having *one* bite.  Lol.  But you know what?  I felt good this morning when the scale did not go up. 

I guess this is rather long winded, but I just kind of hate how much food plays a role in society.  Everything you do for "fun" involves food.  Every event has food.  It's hard to avoid it.   The summary is that I will not apologize or feel guilty for what I *don't* eat.  Along with that I'm trying hard not to use "being bad" for an excuse to continue to eat crap.  I control what goes in my mouth.  That's not to say it's easy.  It really isn't!  I crave food.  I want soda.  Every good choice I make is a step in the right direction. 

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